Tag Archives: BLOGGERED

…as a crime thriller scribbler yeez have to do some fieldWURK research occasionally, right?… #TBSU…

…the following account of yesterday’s activity may or may not have actually happened… as a dealer in fiction, with tinges of fact thrown in to baffle yeez, I could tell yeez if it’s true or not… but then, I’d have to kill yeez… yeez know how that WURKS, right?… the cryptic message came through early in the morning in the usual code… the cornflake cereal packet was empty… stocks in the breakfast larder were depleted… no eggs, minimal bacon, sausages gone… an urgent mission to replenish stocks was on the cards… my direct telephone line call to Chief of Security was succinct… ‘…we have RED ALERT, repeat, RED ALERT… mobilise the assets… we’re heading for Tesco’s supermarket’… in minutes, the usual phalanx of bodyguards arrived at the front door… the extra bulges at the left jacket-lapels signalled they were all carrying heat… yeez can’t take any chances at Tesco… the armoured limousine, flanked by two identical vehicles, blackened-glass windows, (decoys against potential assassins) screeched away from the house… the professional minders swung into the carpark, and jumped from the cars before they’d stopped… the checking routine covered all possible avenues of attack threats… a quartet of hulks spoke into their wrists… all clear!… good to go!… get him inside!… now!… in an instant I was whisked into the store… the ring of muted aggression cleared a pathway to the grocery section… I reached for the required items, careful not to make any too-sudden movements… into the basket went the eggs… free range, of course… best back bacon followed, then the sausages… almost done… I reached for the baked beans… suddenly, alarm! … the tin slipped from my hands and clattered to the floor… immediate response from the minders… no more time for whispers… full blown screams into the ends of the sleeves… ‘…Can Down! Can Down! we have a Can Down in aisle six’… in a blur, the two closest bodyguards swept me up and out of harm’s way… through the checkout… a swift flash of a credit card… into the limo… and off in a cloud of wheel-spitting dust… speed records broken on the way back… and safely into the kitchen… mission accomplished… job done… just another hum-ho day in the life of an over-imaginative crime-thriller quill-scraper… see yeez later, I’ve got a full breakfast to demolish…

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…if yer wee book’s going out to meet people, make sure yeez dress it up nicely… #TBSU…

…when this ol’ Jurassic was growing up in Docklands Govan in Glasgow about a hundred years ago, money was a scarcer commodity than honest politicians… I recall often the phrase, ‘…there’s no shame in being poor, but there’s no excuse for not being clean…’ …for example, at kids’ birthday parties in the neighbourhood (and at least fifty squealing offspring were always present) the faces started off at least shiny and well scrubbed… some tiny lads even sported neckties… that lasted about fourteen nano-seconds into the party… and the wee lassies inevitably had ribbons in their hair, which remained there only marginally longer than the neckties on the boys… but the thing was, yer Mammy ensured that yeez went to the party looking yer best… now that I’m regularly sending my own little literary babies into the Big Scary WURLD of the internet, I’m minded to do the same with them… dress them up as nicely as I can… I’m talking about cover page WURK here… in the next week or so, my current objective is to publish ‘Self-Publishing Steps To Successful Sales’… my account of how this old f*rt has managed to have books generate 75,000+ sales/downloads on the ePublishing merry-go-round… so far, great encouragement for this next wee masterpiece has been forthcoming from lots of yeez Lads and Lassies of Blog Land… it won’t pretend to be an experts’ guide to all things eBook, but merely demonstrate that with less than zero computer nous, yeez can be successful on the Amazon Kindle gig… the fun part for the last few days has been in designing the cover page… I don’t want yeez talking about my wee baby and making comments that I don’t send it out to meet yeez in its best bib and tucker… watch this space… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ

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…which face do yeez wear in the mornings?.. the nasty or the nice?… # TBSU…

…I often wonder if there’s a ‘Grumpy Pill’ sum’where that people take when they fall out of bed in the morning… now, I’m not saying that this ol’ Jurassic’s the Smiler of the Week each morning either, but by and large, I think I’m fairly mellow in my approach to most days… but recently I’ve observed a clutch of candidates for A*sshole of the Month… my early morning writing routine is quite constant… the lounge lobby of the Jumeirah at Etihad Towers Hotel in Abu Dhabi gives me access to my croissants and coffee… and I tap away at the laptop for an hour or two… as with airports, hotel lounges are fabulous ‘people-watching’ places… the serving staff, an array mostly of lovely young ladies from various nationalities, look after their guests splendidly… everybody is greeted with genuine smiles and waiting time is non-existent… should make all the guests happy, right?… wrong!… time after time, my sense of proper manners gets rude shock after rude shock… brusque, abrupt, downright bluudy rude people bark at the staff… to be answered with, guess what?… further smiles, that’s what… I would like to think it’s not because the serving staff have seen and heard so much of that kind of rudeness that they’ve become inured to it… no, what it amounts to is that these young ladies have more politeness in their little fingers than the ‘must-have-clambered-out-of-bed-on-the-wrong-side-again’ brigade… but, there’s good in everything, as my Mama used to tell me… for me, it makes me want to ensure that my own behaviour is on the positive side… for which my reward is tons more of these great smiles… I thoroughly believe we each have a choice when we wake up as to how we approach the day… which face do yeez wear in the mornings?… the nasty or the nice?… I’ll be watching yeez… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ

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…Guest Blog Posts are PRICELESS for Authors… and cost yeez NUTHIN to indulge… #TBSU…

…one plus one equals two… usually… except p’raps when Enron’s accountants are doing yer books and asks yeez what number yeez want… or when some clever clogs (generally kids aged about six) tell yeez one plus one equals eleven when yeez squiggle it on a bit of paper… then along comes the internet and blows the whole numbers game apart… the phenomenon of stuff ‘going viral’ is present day legend… the redoubtable Ms Ellen DeGeneres and her Oscar-attending pals whacked a ‘selfie’ on to Twitter that hit over two million times and all but imploded the Web… one plus one gets two, two times two gets four, four times four etc etc… and as they say in Texas, before too long ye’re talking real numbers… so it is with other quirks on the eLinks… this ol’ Jurassic prattles on constantly about WURKIN the SOSYAL NETWURKS… making meaningful connections, seeing these develop into friends, and watching the mutual benefits of these linkages… one of the better ‘feel-good’ elements of all that is giving and receiving Guest Blog Posts… as an author, yeez get the chance to share a bit about yerself and yer wee masterpieces, and any other stuff yeez like… the opposite holds, when yeez have sumb’dy else share on yer own Blog… back to the one plus one gets much more than two… by Guest Blogging, yeez reach another raft of potential friends and readers… and to use the biblical term, often one Guest Blog Post begets another, and in turn begets yet another… it adds up to a lot of begetting… the exposure multiplies… I’ve lost count of the number of reciprocal Guest Blog Posts I’ve been involved with… and the beauty is, every one is a fresh opportunity to continue ‘building yer platform’… new eyeballs reading yer stuff… learning about who yeez are as scribblers… for Authors, that’s PRICELESS… and it costs yeez NUTHIN to indulge… open invitation time… to all of yeez Lads and Lassies of Blog Land… my Blog Page is open to yeez to come and Guest Blog  (my email is  seumasgallacher@yahoo.com )… and I’m happy to come over to yer own Blog… I promise to behave myself… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ

Blog Scratchers Corner

#TBSU

Blogs To Follow

http://laemonie.wordpress.com

http://thiscollegedropout.wordpress.com

http://www.seumasgallacher.wordpress.com

http://746books.wordpress.com

..share around as usual and enjoy:)

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…forget the ‘Best-seller’ tag… every single, solitary book sale is a source of joy to an Author… #TBSU…

…they say nepotism’s okay, so long as yeez keep it in the family… same thing with having yer Grannie and Uncle Fred buy yer masterpieces on Amazon Kindle… I well recall, not so long ago, when my first wee crime thriller crept nervously onto the eBook carousel… the sheaf of emails sent to pals asking for their support yielded a coupla handfuls of downloads… a peek at the Amazon sales page every ten minutes back then went on for about a month… and, lo and behold, sales began to appear… in the singles and doubles, then a dozen or so on one day alone, then the flood gates opened, and this ol’ Jurassic though he’d died and gone to Writer Heaven… it’s impossible for emb’dy truly to understand beforehand what’s gonna make yer novel successful or not… in these past two and a half/three years the Literary Gods have been more than kind to me… with a combination of fully-priced offerings and Amazon Free Promos, and lately the Amazon Countdown Program, the Jack Calder series continues to attract readers… a wordsmith I may pretend to be, but I haven’t enuff of them to tell yeez properly how grateful I am for the support and genuine LUV that comes in torrents from the SOSYAL NETWURKIN connections on here… do I still look at the Amazon sales figures on a daily basis?… yeez can bet yer sweet a*ses I do (tell me truthfully any of yeez scribblers out there who don’t!)… oh, sure, there are some days when no download movement takes place, even if yeez shake the laptop to make sure it’s working… however, my aggregate sales downloads to date have far exceeded my wildest expectations, but I can tell yeez that when even one, lone, single, solitary, isolated, sale gets recorded, that marvellous feeling happens every time… long may it continue, and for all of yeez fellow scriveners, I wish yeez the same… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ

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…Authors, the importance of being earnest about SOSYAL NETWURKIN… #TBSU…

…for emb’dy who’s met me, yeez’ll readily understand my ability to blether at will… I could natter for Scotland at the talking Olympix… bit of a Medya Tart, really, truth be known… and this ol’ Jurassic’s entirely comfortable with that… however, I’m 100% aware that many of yeez Lads and Lassies of Blog Land are not so much at ease with the self-promotional side of this writing business of ours… fear not—a solution is at hand… more a solution at the fingertips… the access to good old Uncle Internet takes away the need to be actually face-to-face with these real people creatures out there… the power of SOSYAL NETWURKIN is awesome… and I say this from the experience of sumb’dy who couldn’t even switch on a laptop properly five years ago… y’see, as I’ve intimated before many times, and I’m sure most of yeez also realise this… the scribbling is the comparatively easy part of this business of writing… getting yer masterpieces prominent in the readership market needs… nay, demands… a ton of invested time  and WURK in building yer platform… yer potential market for yer opus… every day, I ask myself, ‘…what have yeez done, Master Gallacher, to perpetuate yer SOSYAL NETWURKIN?’… or WURDS to that effect… here’s the thing… I know thousands of folk… I know Bill Clinton, Madonna, Wayne Rooney, Lee Child, that wee Rowling lassie, and tons of others… but, they don’t know me, so that’s no bluudy use in selling my novels… people have to know who yeez are… where yer books are… how much they cost… what JONGRR yeez write in… where yer blog is… up steps the great machine called SOSYAL NETWURKIN… now, the names listed above still may not know me, but thousands of other good people now do… because I got real about being present on the ether waves… and many of them are the wonderful readers who buy my WURK… so, Authors, please, please, please, understand the importance of being earnest about yer SOSYAL NETWURKIN… go for it… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ

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…Authors, good help is hard to find… never mind the wages, feel the hours… #TBSU…

…I blame the boss… snarky, demanding, relentlessly pushing, pushing, pushing for more production… caring not a jot for how many hours at a stretch I WURK… sleep a sum’time coincidence… holidays?…are yeez kidding me?… and the salary… well, think of a wage less than a pittance and half it… then it dawns on me…the boss is ME!… ouch!… no employment tribunal to refer complaints to… no independent Human Resources committee to refer to for salary adjustments… perks?… well, yes, if yeez include the loneliness of the long-distance virtual candle-lit garret dweller in there… nob’dy to bug yeez while yeez scribble away at yer next great masterpiece… as a self-publishing independent yeez can indulge all the stress and strain of trying to be a D-I-Y expert in the A-Z of eBook publishing, alone… yeez are not obliged to share the load with emb’dy… yeez are permitted to be selfish about retaining the burden to yerselves… sound familiar?… then ye’re one of us… the happy band of the New Age quill-scrapers in a WURLD blessed*/accursed* (*delete whichever is inapplicable) with the internet and all the trappings of the SOSYAL NETWURKS… self-publishers are the modern version of the Stoics… some may even suggest latter-day Masochists… hair-splitting p’raps… but soldier on we do… and do yeez know what?… I’m LUVVIN IT!… it’s a 0%-100% gig, no in-between, no parking yer a*se on the literary fence… full-metal-jacket immersion or NUTHIN… do any of yeez recognise the symptoms?… there must be a place sum’where to advertise…‘Authors, good help is hard to find… never mind the wages, feel the hours…’…that’s bound to attract tons of replies… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ

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