…there have been many occasions in this ol’ Jurassic’s life when I felt I was marching to a different drum than other folks around me… and for that I have no regrets… fr’example I’ve never owned a camera… I’ve ‘fessed up on this blog many times before now about my Triple-A level ineptitude with computery gadgets, laptops and such… things that need ‘clicking’ and ‘switching on and off’ of stuff don’t gel too well with whatever side of my brain is supposed to handle that… another is I’ve never ever had a driving licence… never wanted one, never missed not having one… too much fidgety ‘mechanical’ coordination required in my ‘umble opinion… I’ve lasted this far without these attributes of advanced computer knowledge-ing, driving skills-ing and camera-ing… and it adds to some people’s opinion that I’m basically just ‘a bit soft in the head’… so be it… then I can get into discussion with photo-takers and ask, ‘the last time yeez took a snap of people in a particular setting, what do yeez remember about the place? …what were yer people doing?… were the kids laughing, having fun?… and most importantly, did yeez join in that fun?’... y’see, often folk will show me things like pictures from family gatherings, or holiday trips, or school graduations… and yet are unable to tell me what was really going on at the the time they were taken… too busy getting the light and shade right… or the grouping of mug shots aligned, tallest at the back, wee smouts in the front, sort of stuff… babies-growing-up pictures… black-and-white or fancy coloured images in frames seldom capture the pleasure of the moment… ask any author(ess) worth his/her salt, and they’ll tell yeez, the best writing comes from the mem’ries of things past… the awareness of the present… and the visions of the yet-to-come… quill-scrapers don’t produce from paper photographs… sure, there are excellent photographers who prove the exceptions to the rule, but yeez don’t have thousands of photographers of great fame to reel off yer tongue… great writers yeez can remember in bucket loads… and as for mobile phone ‘selfies’… hardly take the place of great biographies… no, for me… the Nikon order can stay on the back burner for a few decades longer… just sayin’… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ…
Tag Archives: BLOGGERED
…I don’t know what age you lot were when yeez started writing, but I fell into it about five years ago when I escaped (retired) from the big bad world of banking (ssshhh!!!)… by the greatest of good fortune, this ol’ Jurassic discovered the internet, Amazon Kindle, and SOSYAL NETWURKS all about the same time… the learning curve has been steep, almost perpendicular at times… somehow, three Jack Calder series crime thrillers, and three blog posts collections later, aggregate downloads/sales have topped 75,000… I’ve apparently become the darling of the self-publishers speaking circuit and lately spouted on the subject at the Emirates Airline Literary Festival in Dubai… so many authors, newbies and established, have asked me to describe ‘how it works for me’, that I’ve just launched SELF-PUBLISHING STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL SALES on Amazon Kindle… yeez can find it here, should yeez be so inclined:
…it doesn’t pretend to be an encyclopaedic mapping of ePublishing nor of the SOSYAL NETWURKIN’s essential role in it… it simply tells in plain language ‘how it worked for me’… what’s written on the tin is what yeez get… I hope yeez’ll like it and profit from the read… if yeez don’t like it, tell me… if yeez do like it, tell yer pals!… never, ever, lose sight of yer dreams… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!…
… it’s prob’ly okay occasionally to show some nice things that other good people are sayin’ about yeez… I launched SELF-PUBLISHING STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL SALES on Amazon Kindle a coupla days ago, and already two absolute gems of authors have written priceless reviews for it… I’ll try to stop blushing enuff to print them here, with no apologies nor stoopid false modesty… LUVVIN IT!
…this from J.T Patten
Best Indie Guide to Self-Publishing Marketing and Sales, March 29, 2014
This review is from: Self-Publishing Steps To Successful Sales (Kindle Edition)
Seumas Gallacher is a well-known authority in the indie social media circles, in addition to his thriller novels.
He has written one of the most concise step by step guides to self-publishing sales success that I have ever read. And I have read a lot. I wish that I had read this a year ago.
Gallacher walks the reader in a thoughtful manner through the stages of campaigns that are essential to publishing and branding. He hits on the core survival programs such as Kindle, WordPress blogging, Twitter (and tweet management tools), Facebook, LinkedIn, Goodreads, etc.
As a successful self-publisher, blogger, and tweeter, Seumas practices what he preaches and has been acknowledged for doing so through his uptake and followership.
The guide is an inexpensive no-brainer manual for going out into the world for newbies. Loved it!
…and from Ms Maryalice Tomoeda
5-stars/ If you want to self-publish, you need to read this! March 30, 2014
By Maryalice Tomoeda
Amazon Verified Purchase
His blog has a gazillion followers and his self published crime thrillers have well over 70,000 downloads, so Mr. Gallacher certainly knows how to not only write, but also how to catch the fickle winds of the reading market. But the question is, can he teach? The answer is a resounding YES. It’s a rare person that can do both, but Mr. Gallacher nails it on the head. He takes you through everything step by step, and never, as some how-to books are wont to do, assumes you are already a master of the subject. He lays it out in an easy to read fashion… For instance, I am not a math whiz…I hate math and the thought of budgeting spreadsheets make me want to run gibbering from the room in horror. But even the lessons on budgeting were so understandable that I think I could actually take a swing at this. If you have any desire to take the story in your head and put it out for people to buy and read, this is the self-publishing guide for you. I highly recommend it!
…now I’ll have to go and lie down in a darkened room for a while… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ…
… GOB-SMACKED’s the only WURD for it!… first-day launch heights for a wee guide book on Self-Publishing…#TBSU…
…surprised!… astonished!… blown away!… didn’t expect that!… no, Mabel… GOB-SMACKED’s the only WURD for it!… yeez spend five years hard labour producing yer crime thriller masterpieces… yeez throw them onto the Great God Amazon Kindle amidst a raft of prayer, invocation and fervent hope that yeez’ll sell a few at least to cover the cost of the candles in the garret… and, if yeez are a bit lucky… no, re-phrase that… if yeez are a lot lucky… yeez start to see some squiggles on yer Amazon Sales pages… and then, if yeez are incredibly lucky, yeez see yer wee babies climb into the upper levels of the Amazon sales rankings… imagine, therefore, the pink cloud this ol’ Jurassic’s currently floating on this morning… yesterday was the launch of my latest off’ring, Self-Publishing Steps To Successful Sales… my account of how it all WURKED for me so far on this dizzy eBook pan-marathon… intended to help my scribbling siblings, Lads and Lassies of Blog Land, to enjoy sum’thing sim’lar… there was no great fanfare of banging it on to the usual suspects websites, clamouring for air space… only advising my pals through the blog and some Tweets… and the response has been magnificent! …lookee here at this morning’s Amazons’ (plural) rankings :
#22 in Books > Reference > Writing > Writing Skills
#26 in Kindle Store > Books > Education & Reference > Writing
#35 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Education & Reference > Writing, Research & Publishing Guides > Writing Skills
#95 in Books > Education & Reference > Writing, Research & Publishing Guides > Writing > Writing Skills
Nr. 13 in Kindle-Shop > eBooks > Fremdsprachige eBooks > Englische eBooks > Lernen & Nachschlagen > Schreiben > Besser schreiben
Nr. 39 in Englische Bücher > Lernen & Nachschlagen > Schreiben > Besser schreiben
If yeez want a look, jump in:
…see yeez later, I’m quite dizzy with all of this, think I’ll go lie down for a while …LUV YEEZ…
…this ol’ Jurassic’s blessed with having so many great, truly supportive pals amongst yeez Lads and Lassies of Blog Land… I mentioned a wee while back I wanted to compile the various bits and pieces which have gone together toward my Magical Mystery Tour on the eBook circuit… how an old f*rt like this can clamber aboard the Amazon Kindle train-ride to Literary Valhalla, with less than zero knowledge of how the Internet really WURKS… and amass 75,000+ sales/downloads for my books… I think it prob’ly best I don’t understand it all… that way I can focus just on what WURKED for me… a few years ago, when I flagged down the indie self-publishing taxi, I had no idea where it was gonna take me… by great good fortune (and luck does play a big part in publishing, for sure) early in the journey, I read how the excellent newbie author, Rachel Abbott, whose first novel had 100,000 sales, treated the entire writing spectrum as a business… sum’thing in that clicked for me, and has remained my mantra ever since… ‘Self-Publishing Steps To Successful Sales’ charts my approach all the way along the route, and is constant today… many, many authors and friends have asked me that simple question, ‘How did you do it?’… this is simply how it served me…I hope it helps others of yeez who are part of this wunnerful global quill-scrapers universe… ‘Self-Publishing Steps To Successful Sales’ doesn’t pretend to be an exhaustive tome on every nuance of the eBook and self-publishing arenas… I stick with K.I.S.S!…. Keep It Simple Stoopid!… and they don’t come much more Stoopid than me with this computer stuff… the message should be clear… if the bumbling Master Gallacher can do it, emb’dy can do it…I hope yeez enjoy the read… (after which a review or twelve would be most welcome)… see yeez later… I’ve got a new wee baby to go and pimp! … LUV YEEZ…
Amazon links for ‘Self-Publishing Steps To Successful Sales’
…it’s been more than thirty years since this ol’ Jurassic called a halt in his unequal tilt with booze… let the record show I surrendered only after a gallant twenty-year campaign to drink the WURLD dry… I used to say regularly, ‘…I’m not as think as people drunk I am…’ …I still pour drink measures at home for other people the way I used to take it, and wonder why they keep falling off their seats… bluudy amateurs!… the jousting with the electric soup wasn’t always a happy engagement, but there were occasions with its involvement of truly memorable delight… it was February 1982, on a week when Noo Yawk City experienced one of its coldest ever spells… back then it wasn’t called ‘Polar Vortex’… it was just ‘winter weather’… on a pass-through business visit to the Big Apple, a pal of mine, (a Consul-General no less from a country which I shall not name, in order to protect the guilty) and I ended up in a place called the Green Derby Bar on a Saturday night… despite my name, I’m actually Scottish (yeez might have noticed that before), but the ‘Gallacher’ traces back to the Ould Country… the clientele in the Green Derby was unmistakably Irish to a shamrock… a splash or twelve of strong waters was taken as the party warmed up… back then, I used to sing a bit in Gaelic, (the Scottish version, Isle of Mull, Tobermory), and it didn’t take long until the other Bhoys got wind of this and tempted me into rendering ‘Danny Boy’ in Gaelic (didn’t take much arm-twisting, it must be said)… the instant devotion that drunks seem to spawn for other drunks in song was great fun… now here’s the thing… they had a bar raffle for a bottle of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey (what else?)… most of the customers bought tickets, scribbled the names on the reverse and into the raffle jug they went… the draw took place round about slurring time… and the name on the winning tab was… Seumas Gallacher!… great acclamation went up… the cap was thrown away and the bottle passed around the company (no glasses required, thank you, Mabel)… then I discovered… every raffle ticket had my name on it! … dontcha just LUV the Irish! … slainte!… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ…
…this ol’ Jurassic’s prattled on many times about the strange dichotomy of a quill-scraper’s existence… on the one hand, the isolation in yer own head, trying to make sense of yer plot lines and getting yer characters to behave themselves by following what yeez had in mind for them… the endless succession of sleepless nights with dialogue rattling around in yer wee grey cells… nobody to share it with… agonising over single WURDS or phrasing to ‘get it right, Mabel’… we’ve all been there… then the flip-side… the wunnerful global scribblers family interaction on the Web… the unbridled generosity of spirit teeming in from eLinked fellow scrivening sloggers… friendships far stronger and more positive than many of yeez’ve ever experienced with face-to-face relationships… a mutual respect develops with all manner of prose purveyors… poets, playwrights, journalists, novelists, historians and academics… oh, sure, I also have tons of SOSYAL NETWURKIN contacts acquired over the past few years, but I like to think I try to find quality as well as quantity in their ranks… and so it has proved, time and time again…those of yeez who follow this blog regularly (and thank yeez for that!) will know I try to encourage support of other authors as much as possible… a ReTweet here, a Facebook share there, a mention on Goodreads, a book review on the Amazon Kindle pages… goodness knows, we can all do with a helping hand occasionally… the other day, one of my virtual friends, an author for whom I have enormous respect, paid me the highest compliment I could ever wish for… in an almost throwaway line, she wrote … ‘…I love your work…’ …four simple WURDS, Lads and Lassies of Blog Land, but those of yeez who immerse yerselves in this business will appreciate just how much it touches the very core of a writer… how to reach an Author’s real G-spot… tell him or her yeez LUV their WURK… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ…
…the following account of yesterday’s activity may or may not have actually happened… as a dealer in fiction, with tinges of fact thrown in to baffle yeez, I could tell yeez if it’s true or not… but then, I’d have to kill yeez… yeez know how that WURKS, right?… the cryptic message came through early in the morning in the usual code… the cornflake cereal packet was empty… stocks in the breakfast larder were depleted… no eggs, minimal bacon, sausages gone… an urgent mission to replenish stocks was on the cards… my direct telephone line call to Chief of Security was succinct… ‘…we have RED ALERT, repeat, RED ALERT… mobilise the assets… we’re heading for Tesco’s supermarket’… in minutes, the usual phalanx of bodyguards arrived at the front door… the extra bulges at the left jacket-lapels signalled they were all carrying heat… yeez can’t take any chances at Tesco… the armoured limousine, flanked by two identical vehicles, blackened-glass windows, (decoys against potential assassins) screeched away from the house… the professional minders swung into the carpark, and jumped from the cars before they’d stopped… the checking routine covered all possible avenues of attack threats… a quartet of hulks spoke into their wrists… all clear!… good to go!… get him inside!… now!… in an instant I was whisked into the store… the ring of muted aggression cleared a pathway to the grocery section… I reached for the required items, careful not to make any too-sudden movements… into the basket went the eggs… free range, of course… best back bacon followed, then the sausages… almost done… I reached for the baked beans… suddenly, alarm! … the tin slipped from my hands and clattered to the floor… immediate response from the minders… no more time for whispers… full blown screams into the ends of the sleeves… ‘…Can Down! Can Down! we have a Can Down in aisle six’… in a blur, the two closest bodyguards swept me up and out of harm’s way… through the checkout… a swift flash of a credit card… into the limo… and off in a cloud of wheel-spitting dust… speed records broken on the way back… and safely into the kitchen… mission accomplished… job done… just another hum-ho day in the life of an over-imaginative crime-thriller quill-scraper… see yeez later, I’ve got a full breakfast to demolish…
…when this ol’ Jurassic was growing up in Docklands Govan in Glasgow about a hundred years ago, money was a scarcer commodity than honest politicians… I recall often the phrase, ‘…there’s no shame in being poor, but there’s no excuse for not being clean…’ …for example, at kids’ birthday parties in the neighbourhood (and at least fifty squealing offspring were always present) the faces started off at least shiny and well scrubbed… some tiny lads even sported neckties… that lasted about fourteen nano-seconds into the party… and the wee lassies inevitably had ribbons in their hair, which remained there only marginally longer than the neckties on the boys… but the thing was, yer Mammy ensured that yeez went to the party looking yer best… now that I’m regularly sending my own little literary babies into the Big Scary WURLD of the internet, I’m minded to do the same with them… dress them up as nicely as I can… I’m talking about cover page WURK here… in the next week or so, my current objective is to publish ‘Self-Publishing Steps To Successful Sales’… my account of how this old f*rt has managed to have books generate 75,000+ sales/downloads on the ePublishing merry-go-round… so far, great encouragement for this next wee masterpiece has been forthcoming from lots of yeez Lads and Lassies of Blog Land… it won’t pretend to be an experts’ guide to all things eBook, but merely demonstrate that with less than zero computer nous, yeez can be successful on the Amazon Kindle gig… the fun part for the last few days has been in designing the cover page… I don’t want yeez talking about my wee baby and making comments that I don’t send it out to meet yeez in its best bib and tucker… watch this space… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ…
…I often wonder if there’s a ‘Grumpy Pill’ sum’where that people take when they fall out of bed in the morning… now, I’m not saying that this ol’ Jurassic’s the Smiler of the Week each morning either, but by and large, I think I’m fairly mellow in my approach to most days… but recently I’ve observed a clutch of candidates for A*sshole of the Month… my early morning writing routine is quite constant… the lounge lobby of the Jumeirah at Etihad Towers Hotel in Abu Dhabi gives me access to my croissants and coffee… and I tap away at the laptop for an hour or two… as with airports, hotel lounges are fabulous ‘people-watching’ places… the serving staff, an array mostly of lovely young ladies from various nationalities, look after their guests splendidly… everybody is greeted with genuine smiles and waiting time is non-existent… should make all the guests happy, right?… wrong!… time after time, my sense of proper manners gets rude shock after rude shock… brusque, abrupt, downright bluudy rude people bark at the staff… to be answered with, guess what?… further smiles, that’s what… I would like to think it’s not because the serving staff have seen and heard so much of that kind of rudeness that they’ve become inured to it… no, what it amounts to is that these young ladies have more politeness in their little fingers than the ‘must-have-clambered-out-of-bed-on-the-wrong-side-again’ brigade… but, there’s good in everything, as my Mama used to tell me… for me, it makes me want to ensure that my own behaviour is on the positive side… for which my reward is tons more of these great smiles… I thoroughly believe we each have a choice when we wake up as to how we approach the day… which face do yeez wear in the mornings?… the nasty or the nice?… I’ll be watching yeez… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ…