Tag Archives: blog

…Help, Doctor Phil, how do I cope with this …?

The butterflies in the stomach have started in earnest… nearly couldn’t keep my corn flakes down this morning. All of you parents out there will know the feeling…my little baby’s about to step out for the first time..alone.. into the big wide world out there…sniffle, sniffle.  The empty nest syndrome is beginning to kick in already. The birth of my brand new little book is due this coming week (or so). I’ve studied all the new book parent stuff… Bought it all the nice new marketing clothes, viz, Twitter, (the Mothercare of indies), Facebook (doting auntie ), and Goodreads (loving grannie )…The lists of new novel educational institutions have been mulled over…do we send him/her/it to reviewers first for primary tuition, then on to the dreaded agent/publisher higher education monasteries, where we lose him/her/it for YEARS, attached only by a series of postal orders and money transfers? Or do we finesse the path and have him/her/it exposed to the rigours of the refined boarding school system of other actual, real authors picking up my baby to help nurture it on its universal plod toward the best seller lists? Excuse me, while I demolish another box of paper tissues… I really MUST stop this silly weeping… what WILL people think of me? Oh, and NAMES for it. Toying with the modern fashionistas’ offspring tags spinning around derivations of Beiber, Brittney and Posh Becks was considered for less time than it takes for a Scotsman to donate to charities, before settling on a nice safe, solid, conservative name, VENGEANCE WEARS BLACK. If you bump into my baby out there ( it looks like me, resembling the south end of a north-facing yak), please be kind to it .. it’s a jungle out there…Oh, good, the senior nurse is bringing my sedative…(smuggled out of Safe Ward 241).Image

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Excuse me, ma’am, am I doing this right…?

Okay, so here I am, a fully-fledged certifiable nutter with a one percent chance of getting any of this stuff right first time. The first two blog posts surprisingly resulted in neither an arrest nor any report of mass suicides anywhere on the planet. So far, so good. Let it not be thought, however, that I actually understand any of this gobbledegook we call home here on the web. Familiar? Stay aboard, there’s more. Tweet Deck is now up and if not actually running, maybe stumbling along fairly well…at least I don’t have to scroll through ten zillion tweets every morning to see if anything’s relevant to me. I’ve caught the infection of RT-ing other authors’ works and am pleasantly surprised as to how good that feels, helping other lost souls like me on here. Generous writers who can really write have been open-handed with their blogs and interview/review posts to include some of my lunatic ramblings ( see “NICE FOLKS SAYIN’ABOUT ME” page attached to my blog… neat sophistication right there, huh?…sounds almost like a genuine author’s blog, heaven forfend). Now comes the biggy… my next novel is nearing completion, well, it should be done before 2018 at any rate and the pros are telling me to start nudging it out there already. Notices in the local supermarket and telling my next door neighbours is a good start I think, as well as alerting Uncle Fred and Auntie Mabel to stand by ready to purchase on day one and send it rocketing up the best seller charts. That’s the theory anyway. And like everything else I’m told on here , of course I believe it. VENGEANCE WEARS BLACK (already copyrighted, so pirates be gone), should be ready for Kindle-ing toward the end of July (this year…only kidding earlier). I suspect my faithful followers (both of them) will support this bludgeoning of the scribblers art with all the impact of a chocolate teapot on a stove. Oh, the triumph of hope over mundane practicality shines undimmed in this poor Scottish breast o’mine…meantime, the minders are letting me type even with my pajamas on, so it should get finished on time…don’t forget to send the ice cream, lots of ice  cream…until later……..picture of candle-powered writing desk with quill pen fades into sepia…………

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So how does this thing work, Mister…?

Having dipped my toe in the bubbling waters of Writer-dom, the rest of my leg has suddenly been tugged under as well. I’m uncertain as to whether it’s a pleasurable continuing excitement or p’raps the start of a niggle of fear. Being the new social-media-challenged kid on the block here, I’ve been scratching around at other people’s blogs and stuff. None of your rummaging in dustbins or sneaky industrial espionage, you understand, just a peek at this fella and that gal, just trying to figure out really how it all works. Results of that research, you’ll not be surprised to learn, is that I’m mostly none the wiser. I think I may have the equivalent of a black belt in ignorance. However, people who have had to suffer me in the past will tell you that being ignorant of matters has never deterred me from lunging right ahead a la Bull in the China Shop. So, if you hear the metaphorical tinkling of disintegrating porcelain, send me the bill. But here’s the thing. It seems (whisper it if you must) that there’s a growing swell of opinion that ‘going the self publishing route’ may be casting off its former stigma. Shudder the thought, it might even start to become fashionable. What is clear to this neophyte at any rate, is that droves of hitherto unpublished authors now rejoice in the fact that their name is attached to the ‘published’ label. It may be that Uncle Fred and Auntie Mabel are the two sole purchasers of the masterpiece that’s taken blood, sweat, tears, and not a little psychiatric  counselling to tease out, but their baby is breathing somewhere in the ether world of Kindle et al. Of course, it doesn’t really matter to me if anyone downloads my book or not ( who the hell am I trying to kid!!). Another flash of the blindingly obvious is that having tasted that sweet, sweet ambrosia, the hypnosis of seeing my own name on Kindle, my approach to this whole adventure is radically changing. As sure as eggs is eggs, I’m becoming resigned to the fact that I’m now destined to spend the rest of my life trying to catch up and understand even a smidgeon of how this all works. In the meantime, my minders here at the writing asylum would like you to know that I can be visited at weekends and other days with a ‘y’ in them. Bring ice cream, lots of ice cream. I’ll report back soon….

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A whole new world…an endangered species pleads for patience…

I am an endangered species, trying to make myself a tad less endangered. Computers and Web-by things and I are fundamentally incompatible. Without a safety net or a plethora of shrinks, I am plunging into the deep end here in cyberspace. By all accounts, Web Jurassics like me should have vanished off the face of the earth eons ago. But, hell, I look in the mirror, and I’m still here. Evolve or be damned they say. Keep up with the times they say. Embrace this world of Twitter, and Facebook, and LinkedIn and Godknowswhatelsesocialnetworks you can find, they say. Well there’s a misnomer if ever there was one . ‘Social’ networks. It’s basically non-instinctive for any human being to press buttons on a piece of electronic hardware and be ‘communicating’ anywhere. Yes, yes, I know we’ve had telephones and televisions and going back a wee bit, tons of radios and such for quite a while now. But I bet they were the cause of untold anguish to our forebears when they first encountered them. Well that’s how I am.  I wanted you to know that, so that when I press whatever button (or is that ‘key’) to send this virgin, maiden missive into the depths of ‘out there’, and all the town and city lights suddenly go out, you’ll know who to blame. I’m a new author. New, not in the physical bodily sense, for that was quite a while ago, but new to the family of fellow suffering scribes who sit staring at computer screens until their heads twirl backwards and their eyeballs fall out from plot and character development fatigue. And right here it’s appropriate to sneak in a confession…I’m loving it. The whole Twittery, Kindle-y, eBooks versus printed books debate-y, blog-gy, beautiful nine yards of it. I’m hooked, and don’t wish to be un-hooked any time soon. Thanks for being out there lovely people. talk to you in a while, I’ve got to go and discuss a little Point of View (POV to the author-y cognoscenti) with the writing committee in my head… see you later…

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