… there are some, an elite handful, who live a life untrammelled by the vicissitudes of grammatical structure… they prob’ly get a syntax transfusion as newly-borns, and frequent booster injections of rules of correct linguistic expression… for others, this ol’ Jurassic included, it seems that the grammar lessons coincided too often with the days we were home doing our hair or fixing our nails… none of that matters a jot really, UNTIL we pick up the writing virus… and our work sneaks into the public market place… the double-edged sword syndrome quickly appears… Aunties and Uncles (God bless ’em) race to tell us how wonderful is our prose… friends reveal a whole new concept of sycophancy… ye start wondering when Lee Child’ll call asking ye for advice… THEN, oh THEN, over that dark horizon ride the 4,000,000 Horsemen of the Literary Apocalypse… they go by several names… the GRAMMAR POLICE the most recognisable… the attacks are none-too-subtle… the laser-scanning eyes pick out the tsunami of first-words-in-the-sentence-gerunds ye’ve used… the capital-punishment-offence of splitting the infinitive… the flood of ‘weasel words’ and ‘expression overloads’… the abundance of adverbs… ‘lazy writing’ they snigger… and ‘it’s alright for Sir Winston Churchill to end a sentence with a preposition, but until YOU have won a World War, just follow the ROOLS, punk’... so, what’s a poor wee quill-scraper to do?… wait!… the cavalry is at hand… some splendid folks have created several software applications (that’s a computer-y technical term, Mabel)… ye can download and have it analyse yer manuscript BEFORE the WURD WARRIORS get their hands on it… AutoCrit is the one I use to help eradicate my scribbling follies… and when yer ready for the MANUSCRIPT MANGLING MOB, throw in the word, IRREGARDLESS... then stand back and watch all Hell break loose… it’s a laugh! … see yeez later…
Tag Archives: AutoCrit
…my brain is certainly acknowledged to be mangled beyond recovery by those nearest and dearest to me, (and by Matron, God bless her syringe)…but every now and then comes a pinpoint of light at the far, far, far, far, far end of that dark, dark, dark, dark tunnel of comprehension…in my opinion, I never, never, never, never, never overuse words…nor, it must be said, do I employ cliches at the drop of a hat, that straw that breaks the camel’s back, gilding the lily, overstepping the mark, or overstaying my literary welcome…as I say, cliche-less to a fault…my writings exhibit flawless, unencumbered, free of, not laden with, burden-free of redundant use of language…Scribbling, scrawling, penning, scrivenering without the use of ‘-ing’ words at the beginn-ing of sentences is a hallmark of mine…well, I think you get the picture…I possess the uncanny ability to incorporate ALL of the weasel-word-y, appalling traits of the nouveau-novelist…however, all is not lost…that God of Authors who beams benignly over our collective dictionaries has presented me this week with access to something I want to share with my fellow quill-scrapers…a friend of mine, Jim McAllister, (who’s almost finished his superb debut novel —-watch out for his name soon), sent me the link to a self-editing critique software programme called AutoCrit… It identifies all the cr*p exemplified above—-overuse of words, redundancies, cliches, starting sentences with present participles, grades the readability levels and so on…If I give my friends on here nothing else for the rest of my writing career, please take this advice, buy and download this software NOW…you’ll be amazed at how instructive and helpful it is…I have spent the last week using AutoCrit on my Work in Progress for my upcoming third novel, SAVAGE PAYBACK, and am truly astounded at the improvements it’s made for me…AND NO, I’M NOT GETTING COMMISSIONS from AutoCrit for this shout out, they don’t even know I’m doing this…so, no bullsh*t, try it guys and gals …here’s the link :
…now back to my meandering… where did I leave my participles, Matron…?