Monthly Archives: March 2016

…to free or not to free?… that is the question… self-publishers hearken hither…

…it seems so long ago, now… but a matter of only 7 years ago, Master Gallacher threw sensibility to the winds and dived headlong into the self-publishing caper… the majority of that time has been spent enjoyably immersed in all the trimmings of being my own literary publishing Baron (Barren? Barn?)… a twelve-month body-serve/detour as a ‘housed’ author terminated amicably at the turn of the year when myself and the good folks at Crooked Cat Publishing came to terms with the fact that I needed to at least believe I was in control of my own destiny in the industry… delusions of adequacy p’raps, but my continuing  sojourn on the marketing and promotional platforms gives me grounds to believe that, going solo, I fare better than average in that respect… whatever the truth of it, the pleasure I derive from being uber-hands-on is monumental… in the year of the partnership, I did not indulge any dalliance with the Kindle Free Promo mechanism, which I had used several times in the nascent scribbler years… many authors refuse to consider that route, believing they should ‘never give their WURK away for NUTHIN,’ and I have no argument with their stance…chacun a son gout (that’s Francais, Mabel, for ‘each to his own gout)… however, I can only describe my modus, and what has WURKED, and WURKS, for me… my experience is enhanced with having the luxury of four titles in the marketplace, all available on the Great God Amazon Kindle, and a fifth as Work-In-Progress… it’s important to understand, that with a range of titles, the technique alters sum’what… with only one book out there, giving away free downloads usually is done in the hope of generating interest and reviews for that solitary masterpiece… but, see, when yeez have multiple offerings in the guise of a backlist, only one title needs to be the ‘teaser’ while the remainder sit sweetly  at their normal prices… the freebies on Kindle are virtual copies which have cost me minimal monetary outlay (of course, I value my priceless labour and mind investment in each book I create, but relatively speaking a freebie only costs me notional lost opportunity profit, which in all likelihood was never coming to me as sold copies anyway, BUT, it generates sales on others, and THAT does put coppers in the coffers)… with that in mind, I’m putting the third in the Jack Calder thriller series, SAVAGE PAYBACK, on Amazon Free Promotion as of tomorrow, March 31st, for the five-day period permitted

…the wee darling looks like this:

front view SP

..and yeez can download it FREE tomorrow thus:

…here’s what it looks like mingled in the family photo with the rest of the gang:

FotoJet Collage


…and these others can be purloined thus:





…see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!




Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

…self-publishing Authors… which of many hats today?…


…a cluster of recent blogs have discussed the mantle of being a self-publisher and the whole razzamatazz associated with that sum’time scary occupation… there’s a list as long as a Las Vegas Casino stretch limousine of roles the self-publishing scribbler has to adopt… variously, these roles include writer (oh, yes–that too!), proofreader, editor, art work director, Kindle formatter, marketing guru, sales pitch person, SOSYAL MEDYA organiser… and yeez can add the support staff functions of tea maker, biscuit provider, Muse-minder, arbiter-of-squabbling-characters-in-yer-masterpieces, (yes, Mabel, they are real in yer head, believe me, and sum’times they need putting in their places)… but let me switch yeez back to the original hyphenated two-part description… SELF-PUBLISHER‘SELF’… yup… solo, lone, singleton, nob’dy-else-but-yerself, on-yer-own’sum, hermit-in-the-virtual-candlelit-attic person… being yer own boss is a two-edged sword… great when it’s going well, but if the wheels fall off there’s only one name on the blame sheet… that proverbial ol’ long distance runner had no idea of what that kinda loneliness really means… however, take a closer look at the second element, ‘PUBLISHER’... a title formerly exclusively held by the good and the great names such as Penguin, Collins, Harlequin, Random House, Oxford University Publishing… now with the Great God Amazon Kindle and its industry siblings, all that has changed… nowadays the main office of thousands of PUBLISHERS is in their own front rooms, writing dens and even Starbuxx forecourts…


…y’see, in my head the idea of having a publishing house looking after my future Nobel Literature Prize-winning babies conjures up visions of the PUBLISHER getting my books into the mitts of every reader on the planet… negotiating front shelf space in Waterstones… and interviews with such as Richard and Judy or Oprah… the reality is that that range of PUBLISHER service impacts about 0.00000374 % of all novelists… ergo, SELF-PUBLISHER has it all over PUBLISHER any day of the week… so, p’raps these days when folks ask me ‘what do you do?’, instead of staying ‘I’m an Author’, I think I’ll try a few ‘I’m a publisher’ throwaways… see yeez later… got to get back to my publishing… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

…giggle-maker supreme… my great honour to feature Authoress, Suzanne Kelman…

…nob’dy ever claims that writing in any kinda JONGRR is easy, but in my not-so-‘umble opinion, producing comedy in print ranks among the toughest… my great pal, Authoress, Suzanne Kelman has that magic brain-tickling touch… her gem, THE REJECTED WRITERS’ BOOK CLUB, relaunching March 29th, is one such sampler of her WURK




…but m’Lady can speak for herself… enjoy…


Suzanne Kelman

Make ‘em Laff – Free-falling into Laughter

How to write funny is no laughing matter. I write comedy and I personally don’t know of the perfect equation to create spontaneous howls. You know, something like a snigger plus a chuckle equals a guffaw or anything like that. Now there are many books out there that claim to help people write hilarious stuff, but the ones I have read, I found drier than an Amish man’s liquor cabinet. What I can do is give you some insight into how I write.

First, I can’t force it. Forcing is like forcing someone to love you. Before you know it you’re boiling their bunny. The more obsessive you become over the comedy, the harder it becomes to work. This is not good. I met a very straight laced, old school teacher type once, who looked me dead in the eye over her half moon glasses as she handed me her manuscript and said in one long monotone, “I can write funny.” I hadn’t the heart to tell her SHE was funny, her saying it that way WAS Funny, but alas, after reading it, her writing wasn’t.

You see, she approached it in a very rigid and controlled way. She read a bunch of books, commanded all her words to sit up straight in their chairs and line up quietly all in very grammatically correct order. Then she slaved over the perfectly crafted punchline, but it fell flat.

Comedy for me isn’t like that. It’s like a form of free falling. I jump in naked. I run with the wild bulls of the adjectives. I dance with my hair on fire. If you could see the first drafts of my posts it would look something like this:

“Mi furst draughts our perfext“

It’s just a raucous can-can with the dancing red squiggly lines and me.

I just have fun with the words. We hang out together like two old friends laughing at the bar. I type something funny and then I answer myself in a kind of schizophrenic double act. So my first advice is, free fall, and don’t edit.

Second thing I do is look for visual extremes to take along on my word journey, such as “run naked,” or “hair on fire.” The funnier you can make the visual for the reader, the more fun they’re going to have reading it. Comedy should leap off the page. For example, if you’re going to jump into water, dive from a great height into a tin bucket. If someone is pulling a face, tell me she looks like she was chewing a bumblebee. You can always pull back if your editor rolls their grammatical eyes. You can tell they are doing that when they send you back little bubbles in the track change function accompanied by the tut-tut-tut of the three question mark disapproval,??? This is editor talk for: “What the hell is that?”

Sometimes, a few of mine have slipped through. Here is one from my book:

“Doris, a rather rotund woman, was squished into the booth like a tube of toothpaste, just waiting for someone to take off her cap so she could spray the walls.”

Lastly, because I can’t think of any more, I allow my mind to go on a constant Mardi Gras. Enjoy everything around me, especially characters that I meet. I’m always eavesdropping other peoples conversations too. Firstly, because it’s fun, but mostly because I often hear nuggets that will take my mind into a million comical directions. Like the result of someone shouting “FIRE!” At a clown convention. Did I tell you I like writing in extreme visuals?

When the right juicy overheard nugget is mined it can hit you in the face like a wet kipper, and it can happen just like the 80’s martini commercial, “Anytime, any place, and anywhere.” Once I was reading my way through food labels in the supermarket, thinking about having Mexican food for dinner, when I suddenly overheard a snippet of a conversation that went something like this:

“So if only she chopped all that wood, they would still be together today.” That was all it took. What wood? Why was she chopping? Why was it so pivotal in their relationship? That’s when I was struck with an idea. A brilliant, non-stick, sparkly, voluptuous idea. And, as is so often the case for me, a comedic idea. My shopping basket was tossed asunder, as I made my way hastily out of the store saying under my breath, “Out of my way, pregnant writer coming through.”

I raced to my car holding that fiery idea ahead of me like a flaming torch, hoping to not lose a fragment of it before I got home to type it onto my computer.

So, there you are, read from the back of a postage stamp, is my process. If you want to make them laugh, I encourage you to find your own voice in it. Because at the end of the day, you should enjoy it because after all it’s comedy and if you meet the tut-tut-tut of the bubble of doom, at least you had a blast of a time while you were free-falling.

Suzanne Kelman is and an award-winning screenwriter and playwright and the author of “The Rejected Writers’ Book Club,” being released March 29th. Her accolades include The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences – Nicholl Fellowship Finalist, Best Comedy Feature Script – L.A. International Film Festival and Gold Award Winner – California Film Awards. 

…thanks gazillions, Suzanne… Lads and Lassies of Blog Land, yeez can linkup with Her Ladyship thus:







Linked in

…see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

What The Killers Really Want

What The Killers Really Want


As horrendous killing rears its head once more,

In an airport, a Metro, a city.

Humanity’s appalled, traumatised to its core.

We wring our hands in rage, in shock, in pity.


One more time, one more day, one more outrage.

In wordless astonishment, unspeakable atrocity.

No warning, no alarm, no clearing of the stage,

The terror deepened by its chilled rapidity.


Anger boils, resentment grows, revenge an easy mauling,

Hear the range of easy vengeance targets rise,

Innocent believers of a different calling,

What the killers want—all Muslims blamed in many eyes.


I have no easy answer, salve or cure

For the evil guised in ISIL’s name,

But of one thing certain I am sure,



Seumas Gallacher

March 22nd, 2016



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

To Self-Publish or Try the Publishing Option? That is the Question…

…this is an absolute MUST READ for ALL scribblers ..thanks to all concerned in writing, guesting, rebloggings on this one …great post ! 🙂

Word Craft ~ Prose and Poetry

Image Credit:

Last week I came across an article about Hydra, a digital-first imprint of Random House. Here is the link to read the article. Hydra is reported as presenting the next generation of science fiction, fantasy, and horror who says: “Every title is available for purchase at major e-retailers and compatible with all reading devices.”

The interesting thing was, the article opened up a dialog about the options writers have in releasing their books to the public. It then becomes all about traditional publishing and independent publishing. Trying to figure out what is best for you is sometimes hard.

I am lucky to have built up a friendship with Lyz Russo, an accomplished author and the owner of an Indy Publishing company called P’kaboo Publishers. As a novice author, writing my first novel, I wanted to hear what choices I had available to me. There are…

View original post 2,478 more words


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Win a print copy of a Seumas Gallacher novel!

…fabulous pal Authoress, Susan Toy, has a wee gift (p’raps) waiting for yeez:


Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

…Authors… who says yeez cannae teach an ol’ Jurassic scribbler new tricks?…

…there’s an inexplicable amount of inner giggling I refuse to suppress every time I learn some new thingy-me-jig on the Web… I’ve discovered… well, more like stumbled over, sum’thing called Quick Time Player… it’s basically a simple app for recording yerself on yer laptop… the ultimate in moving selfies, I s’pose… I doubt if it’s gonna cause young Brad Pitt and that nice wee man, Benedictine Cummerbund much concern (by the way,  whoever thought of naming an actor after a monkish sect and an evening-wear waist sash?), but I can assure yeez doing yer own wee home movie is about as much fun as yeez’ll get with yer clothes on… I did one yesterday as a kinda tongue-in-cheek promotional splash for my crime thrillers and threw it up on to Facebook… and behold and lo!… instant positive responses galore… much fun and merriment from assorted pals… and, here’s the thing… sales!  immediate sales!… expect to see next year’s Oscar statuettes being handed out to Seumas Studios (Govan) in crateloads… the blockbuster is shown on my Facebook page (difficult to upload to here)… get yer ice creams and popcorn in and settle in to have a look:

…see yeez later …LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff