…how yeez doin’, Sunshine?…

…it’s hard not to notice with the turn of the year has come the ubiquitous Awards Season…the Golden Globes, The Oscars et al… a coupla years ago around this time, my blogger pal, the good Lord David Prosser, directed  the ‘Sunshine Award’ my way, which ain’t gonna affect Messrs Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Harrison Ford and their ilk, but it’s a good enuff opening for me to regurgitate the ‘fun’ bit of the Sunshine Award, which was to reveal (taaaaarrraaaa!!) ten things that even I had forgotten I knew about me… enjoy :

1…. as a part-time semi-pro footballer in the Southern Amateur League in London ahem-years ago (I suppose I was a full-time pro Trainee Financial Master of the Universe at the same time) my position of Centre-Forward Motormouth propelled me to the top of the league’s scoring charts three years in succession, accompanied, it must be said, by the equivalent three years as top of the red-card-early-bath-dismissals charts, being possessed of that familiar Scottish footballer inclination to retaliate first on the football field…

2… around the same era in the early seventies, I went straight from playing in a football match in North London to a Saturday night party, with my used kit in a carry sports-bag, and a pal in tow… in these days, I was partial to the intake of much strong waters, a practice I ceased more than thirty years ago… my next recollection of that rather ‘liquid’  party was waking up on the following Sunday afternoon in a hotel room in Ostend, Belgium with no idea how I got there… a live body rustled next to me, and a not unattractive female appeared from under the covers… neither my LUVLY companion nor Master Gallacher had a morsel of recollection of how we had met at the party, gone home to get our respective passports and taken the ferry across the Channel… to my great shame, I can’t even recollect the name of the bonnie lassie, and I’m sure she won’t recall mine… I’ll blame the hangovers we each had…

3… I’m the WURLD‘s most incompetent user of laptop and computer gadgetry… I used to be second worst, pipped by a bloke in Timbuktu, but I heard he spontaneously combusted along with his Mac the other day, so I’m now officially the WURLD‘s worst… and yet… and yet… somehow, the Internet Gods have let me accrue over 25000 wonderful pals on the SOSYAL NETWURKIN circuit…

4… I’ve never even seen a Fried Mars Bar, so I expect any day now the Scottish Ambassador to the Middle East will call, informing me that my Certification of Caledonian Nationality has been rescinded…

5… I’ve never owned a Drivers Licence… and regret that not one jot… convinced now that my primary purpose in life is to ride in the front of aircraft, the back of limousines, and to test-drive five-star hotels and bordellos, and not necessarily in that order…

6… I speak a passable form of English, better-than-schoolboy-level French, recollected Scottish Gaelic from a six-year sojourn in Tobermory, Mull in the Scottish Hebrides, enough Cantonese to order  comfortably in a Hong Kong Chinese restaurant without getting two thousand sauteed prawns instead of half a dozen spring rolls, an amusing form of Philippines’ Tagalog (it must be amusing, else why do the locals there always laugh when I speak it?), and for the past decade have toiled with primitive Arabic sounds… but most acquaintances will attest my principal lingua franca is Rubb-ish…

7… Sir Winston S. Churchill has been my life-long hero, as the ultimate maverick in just about every aspect of his existence… my ambition was to meet the great man, but given his current status, I’m prepared to wait a tad longer for that…

8… Billy Connolly remains the God of Humour to me… a kindred spirit whose primary driving force and strength is a healthy irreverence for any measure of pomposity… (in Docklands, Govan we spell ‘pomposity’ as ‘sh*te’…)…

9… the purest singing voices I’ve ever heard… female, Judy Collins… ‘Send in the Clowns’ is unbelievably beautiful… male, the Irish tenor, John McCormack, who could sing the telephone directory and hold you transfixed… choral, the Stornaway Girls Gaelic Choir at any of the Gaelic Mods…all of these, Music of the Gods…

10… my greatest wish is that everyone in the world would treat everyone else in the way that they themselves would wish to be treated…

…see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!…

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