…I was absent the day they handed out THAT particular talent…

…no complaints overall, I s’pose in whatever skill sets have been my lot to receive… I have a propensity for mental arithmetic, an under-appreciated quality until yeez need sumb’dy in yer darts team that can subtract accurately as fast as they can throw the darts at the board… in an earlier youthful spate of thinking I had ambitions to become a racecourse bookmaker, ‘coz calculating the moving odds comes easily… eventually at one stage in my career as a trainee Master of the Financial Universe, I was a foreign-exchange trader for a large bank in London and then across the planet in various banks’ trading rooms… similar ease of familiarity with WURDS, spelling, vocabulary and the like has never been a problem, and now is gratefully applied in my latter day slot as an Author… but throughout all of these cerebral applications, it became apparent that certain other talents are markedly missing… operating with tools… ‘fixing stuff’ mechanically… it would be excusable to think I’m possessed of two hands containing five thumbs each… proof?, oh yes, Mabel, plenty of it, but none more startling than the day I almost disappeared (literally) in a cloud of smoke… thirty years and more ago, it was, which only seems like three decades or so, first wifey urged this handiwork-challenged wastrel to drill a hole in the kitchen wall, to hang I know not what…


…now, a Black and Decker electric drill weighs several kilos, but undaunted, I persevered in getting lined up with a wee pencil cross-mark where the hole should go and stepped up to perform… being unused to the manner of drilling, when the tool seemed to meet some obstruction, I merely pushed harder and harder at the wall with it… a weird screeching noise, which I later understood to be a kinda metal covering, was immediately followed by an explosion…


…of course, I was knocked back… the 1/4-inch thick drill bit was bent and scorched… Master Gallacher had managed to locate prob’ly the only live electric source wire embedded in the kitchen wall… ever since I have been excused handyman duties… and I’ve never trusted a kitchen wall since… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Scribbling & Stuff, Uncategorized

8 responses to “…I was absent the day they handed out THAT particular talent…

  1. Well, you know, it seems logical that you can’t be a handyman too. Perfection is boring! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We can’t be successful at everything, Seumas. If we’re successful enough at one or two things, we can afford to hire someone who’s successful at another thing. As we know, that’s the way of things. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well thank goodness you weren’t electrocuted in the process! Me too, I’ll stick with WURDS as you call them and leave the handy-man stuff to my hubby or anyone else! Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I had a “professional” locate a water pipe whilst trying to install something so…Are you sure it wasn’t a method to get off that kind of job? There must be a skill involved in locating live wire…

    Liked by 1 person

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