…Authors… NUTHIN yeez ever wanted to know about (a-hem) sex in yer writing…

…it’s a funny old thing, a learning curve…  and I’ve had more learning curves than ye’ll find at the Miss Universe competition finals… since my immersion in this writing gig over six years ago, my output in the Jack Calder crime thrillers has taken me cerebrally to many places my mind never thought possible… scribbling sensibly about, (sshhh!) sex scenes is one of them… following the authors’ conventional tenet, ‘write about what yeez know’… well, been there and done (some of) that… I write action thrillers… and of course we have a dynamic leading male character and a gorgeous Asian lady opposite him…


…I don’t know who was more awkward on the first fictional (a-hem) bedroom tryst–the characters or this ‘umble scribe… but we all muddled through it eventually… when I processed my first wee masterpiece, THE VIOLIN MAN’S LEGACY, for consent to publish locally via the National Media Council in Abu Dhabi, I didn’t know what to expect in terms of any ‘censorship’ element… remember we live in a culture in the Middle East quite different to that in the West… remarkably, the reviewer commented only on a small two-paragraph section containing a racy bedroom entanglement… he asked if I could ‘re-write it’ in toned down terms… I told him I could do better than that.. I removed the passage entirely… and d’yeez know what?… it changed the plot and the story flow not one jot


…a learning curve indeed… I understand now, a crime thriller, action-packed or not, has no screaming need for sex scenes… I have no desire to write 50 Shades of Seumas…. nor to produce virginal Bambi-like novels… if the narrative calls for intimacy, I’ve discovered if I treat the expression of it in my quill-scraping as any humans’ normal behaviour, with sensitivity, and part of a developing relationship where the characters are seen to ‘care deeply’ for each other, that WURKS just fine, Mabel… erotic literature has its deserved place in libraries, and I’ve read some excellent passages in the course of doing reviews of others’ WURK, and I admire the quality of writing involved… the JONGGR should be a guide to that… now pass me that Carmen Sultra (isn’t that what it’s called?)… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

22 responses to “…Authors… NUTHIN yeez ever wanted to know about (a-hem) sex in yer writing…

  1. Great post, Seumas – and so true. One of the most useful pieces of writing advice I was ever given was that every scene needs to move the story along – and that applies to bedroom scenes as much as any other. All too often they’re just gratuitous – and in many cases appallingly badly written (cough-FSOC-cough). And no, that isn’t a typo.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Too right! Sex scenes work the same way in film as well–only good if they’re part of the plot.
    Great post, Seumas!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. rohini99

    Excellent point there, Seumas! Or should I say points! But what would happen if it were cogent to the plot? Would you have had to tone it down?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. … to be ‘cogent to the plot’, the plot would have had to emulate 50 shades, in which case the entire novel may not have passed muster locally in Abu Dhabi, m’Lady, Rohini:) Point(s) well taken :):):)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Glad I won’t need to write any blushing scenes. 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Better safe than sorry seems to fit here. No one wants to win the award for writing the worst sex scene. 😦 Good taste is always possible. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Awesome post… still giggling at Fifty Shades of Seumas… Now that would be an ahem interesting read…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “50 Shades of Seumas” — snark, snicker. Your public can’t wait!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Well said, Seumas. Every scene should help the story along. If it doesn’t, the book doesn’t need it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Great post. I write non-fiction rock and roll, i guess one could call them ” tell alls,” but i usually leave out all the “sexiest” bits. I find fictional sex lives a lot easier to write about than my own. Lets face it most people could eat the same ham sandwich and every one of them would have an entierly differant experience doing it, and no ones would ever be anything quite like any the others, most of us would never even believe we had shared the same meal . I try very hard to keep my tell -alls, tell-somes, only telling the best parts, the awkward glances across the room, the building tension, the chemistry, the attraction that all leads up to what happens behind closed doors. I dont think any of us need an anatomy lesson in our literature, we all pretty much know what goes where and how it all happens physically, the really facinating part is how we get there, not what happens once we do. Which is much more erotic in my mind, and my stories than hearing every moan and groan and describing strangers writhing around. It isnt exactly the most elegant of activities ( especially when its done right!) and is so incredibly difficult for a writer to capture without accidently including something regretful and absolutly cringe-worthy, and completly putting off your reader its hardly worth risking it, is it?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. You might be on to something with the ’50 shades of Seumas’ if nothing more than getting us to smile here. 🙂 Great post, Seumas. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I agree. There are too many who use sex and/or violence to make up for bad writing. And yes there are some who write well, but use sex and/or violence to juice up a story. If it’s by an author I like, I skip the scene and guess what? It doesn’t hinder the pot one bit.


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