…an open letter to the characters in my novels…

The Writing Desk

Near the Window-side

In Front of the TV

At the Living-Room

Where I (and all of yeez) Live

…today, and everyday…

…dear Jack Calder, May-Ling, Malky McGuire and all the rest of yeez to whom I’ve given life…

…now, listen up guys, it’s time to cut yer Author a bit of slack… I know, I know, I know… I’ve been more than a tad relaxed in letting yeez do and say a lot of stuff yeez wanted to get off yer collective chests… but there is a limit… this nefarious habit yeez seem collectively to have adopted of running away overnight with my plot lines and changing it so that the next morning leaves this poor scribbler totally flummoxed as to where all that new stuff came from… it has to stop… regardless of the fact that sum’how what yeez change it into usually polishes up far better than my original narrative… but c’mon guys, it’s supposed to be my masterpiece… and as for the minor characters amongst yeez… who told yeez it was okay to grab bigger bits of the book?… have yeez no idea how tricky it can be trying to write yeez out of the place when yeez decide arbitrarily to dig yer heels in?… a wee warning to yeez—don’t have me resort to topping yeez!… I know people, y’know… I can have yeez taken care of— understand what I mean?… and as for yerself, Jack Calder… yeez ought to know better… coercing the rest of yer cronies in the book to challenge my superb directions… keep in mind, that I’m the one who’s supposed to be the future Iconic Nobel Prize for Literature Awardee, not some jumped up fictional lad, even though yeez are six-foot-two, blue-eyed and fair-haired… just remember who yeez were modelled after… okay? …now I’m off to have a wee break for a while… behave yerselves…

…sincerely,

…yer Creator…

…see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!…

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