…it’s a slippery path, when yeez once digress from the straight and narrow…

…p’raps some of yeez will recall a post I broadcast on here not so long ago in which I called to account that most evil of criminal perpetrators… the cad who arrives at the check-out till at yer local supermarket, yeez know the lane… the one with the huge placard swinging above it on which is printed unmissable script—10 items or less and Cash Only… but one fellow has enuff stuff in his basket to sit out the Third WURLD War, items numbering at least a coupla dozen and more… and then produces a credit card, coz he’s got no cash… insult adds to injury for those in the queue behind him, including myself,  when the card has no credit limit available… my post recounted my interchange with the buffoon when I told him in my best Govan Dockyard, Glasgow accent that I couldn’t figure out if his problem was that he couldn’t read, or that he couldn’t count… and, as they say in the classics, that’s when the fight started…. anyway, that aside, today I stand before yeez in the most abject shame possible…

lane

…unwittingly it has to be said, I have indulged that self-same most heinous of offences… my shopping basket, which I had so carefully determined held a mere nine items, to my shocked realisation, actually contained eleven pieces… I mentally tallied it as I shuffled toward my turn at the checkout… too late to turn back, the unloading was already in process… the heart-beat quickened, the pulse raced, cold sweat eased onto the brow… a sliver away from full-blown panic stations… what would I do if the counter clerk clarioned my shameful act?… would I scream and run from the store?… drop to my knees and plead ignorance and forgiveness?… the young lady tapped the ‘total’ button and gazed at me with what I imagined was a steely-eyed stare… then she smiled, and told me the amount due… on another occasion, I may well have asked her immediately to marry me… give her all my WURLDLY possessions, such was the relief… the bagger chappie who loads the stuff into these interminable plastic bags also smiled… did they know?… p’raps they also can’t count?… net result, this brush with perfidy has left me shaken, and a tad stirred… I’m thinking of toting my pocket calculator with me next time… it’s a slippery path, when yeez once digress from the straight and narrow… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!

ALL MY BLOG POSTS ARE FREE TO SHARE/RE-BLOG SHOULD YOU SO WISH—BE MY GUEST!

16 Comments

Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

16 responses to “…it’s a slippery path, when yeez once digress from the straight and narrow…

  1. Oh Seumas! This is so funny and made me laugh despite being home with flu. Confession? I too have either by guilty bravado or poor math skills, superceded the “16 items or less” lane and felt much the relief at getting away clean. The Bonnie & Clyde of the supermarkets we are

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The trick is to look innocent, sweating or not 😉 Though my supermarket has spoiled the fun by removing the limits…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hilarious, Seumas. 😀 Probably the only thing that’s saved me that embarrassment was that I put off shopping until I absolutely had to go. By that time I needed a lot more than 10 items. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We’ll be seeing you in the headlines for taking the tags off your mattress come the new year….shocking! :). Happy new year (please pretend it’s in Scots Gaelic, since I don’t know enough to wish it to you proper) to you, Sir! And slainte… And looking forward to Jack’s first adventure of 2015!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yup, I always you wuz a criminal, Seumas….
    Happy new year to you!
    Go forth and sin no more….or at least only the maximum quantity allowed….

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thanks for the daily chuckle Seumas! (I was going to leave a witty comeback, but it appears everyone else beat me to the punch.) 😉

    Like

  7. Bet you’ll now have a deeper insight of what goes through the minds of your villainous characters as well as your heroes Seumas 😀
    When all else fails KEEP THE HEID 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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