…yeez know that patience yeez have when ye’re in touch with a Call Centre?… no?… me neither…

…yeez couldn’t make this stuff up… until today, I considered myself to be the ultimate exemplar in ‘Non-Knowledgeability-About-Internet-Stuff’… seems I may have some competition for that title… and from the most unexpected of sources… an Internet Company’s Call Centre… yes, Mabel, an Internet Company’s Call Centre… here’s what’s going down…

monkey

…yesterday evening, my wi-fi internet connection at home dropped out… crashed!… zonked!… kaput!… to paraphrase John Cleese and his Monty Python mates from the Dead Parrot Sketch… this is an Ex-Internet connection… it is no more… it has shuffled off this virtual coil… I did the simple things, which even this ol’ Jurassic can manage, like switching the router thing-y off and on again (several times)… switching the laptop from ‘Go’ to ‘Stop’ and back to ‘Go’ again (also several times)… still no joy… so, last resort scenario… ring the Internet Company Call Centre Help Line… that began well… at least for the Voice Recording Industry…

operator

…eight and half minutes of ‘your-call-is-important-to-us-so-hang-on,-stay-on-the-line–while-we-go-and do-something-really–important-like-getting–our-lunch’… eventually a humanoid voice comes on stream… I explain the situation with my recently-deceased internet connection… he asks me to describe the router… I refrain from giving it a glowing eulogy… ‘white with black trimmings, kinda messy around the house, but good with kids’, sort of thing… ‘aha!’ came the reply… ‘does that make a difference?’ I ask… not a bit… obviously, it was a trick ‘holding’ question… much humming and hawing ensues and the gentleman suggests (this is the punchline, and I kid yeez not) that I send him details… by email!… yes, by feckin’ email!

angry customer

…I cough politely and gently enquire if that would be the same email link that normally gets sent via the Internet?… an awkward silence follows… this Genius-Of-The-Call-Centre WURLD promised to get back to me with a permanent solution before the century is over … I just prayed it wouldn’t involve emails… as yeez can see, now it’s the following day afternoon here in the Middle East… and by some divine miracle, finally the Phoenix Syndrome has kicked in, and we’re back!… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!

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21 Comments

Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

21 responses to “…yeez know that patience yeez have when ye’re in touch with a Call Centre?… no?… me neither…

  1. Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    My background in Call Centres has me pleading insanity – to be fair there are times when the callers may have their wires crossed – like a gentleman who rang because he had seen our construction, the fibre going into the ground and could not understand why his computer was not able to send emails… he had rather missed the step where you have to get it installed and connected… But Seumas you have my sympathies – it is a ‘syndrome’ that we all suffer from even when sometimes it might be my voice you hear on the auto messaging…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. You ALWAYS make me smile. Thank you for that!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Seumas, I’m totally familiar with your pain. A couple of days ago I had both my pen drive and internet connections go out. I had been expecting someone from the internet suppliers to come and collect the money. A man did once, but silly me, no one else ever came. Then a couple of days ago I called to see why my connection was off and they told me it was for nonpayment. I sent someone to pay and someone there called to say they’d send someone. I told him “I” had sent someone. Why couldn’t he just accept the money. He finally did and I got the connection back. I haven’t taken time to check my pen drive connection. I was told engineers would have it fixed in 4 hours. Sometimes the kid on the other end of a connection here in India is scared by my American accent and just hangs up. I worked in a big call center for a company in sales and one of the callers asked me once if I was a live person or a recording. 😀 It’s a funny world. I’m glad I have a sense of humor. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Call trees are the worst…my mortgage company has one that sends you about forty places before you can talk with a live person. I’m lucky to have a rocket scientist for a husband who works on computers all day. He’s my go-to man whenever mine crashes. Glad to see your sense of humor is still intact after all of that 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Every time I log on, I cross my fingers. Every time. It’s a wonder I’m not a bigger mess than I am. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sounds like your Technowizardklutz went the the wrong queue when the ability to think before speaking was being given out for free 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Maybe the ‘e’ in the definition of email on his instruction sheet stood for something other than electronic? Elephant perhaps? Is there a handy pachyderm you could attach the description to? It will only take 3 or 4 weeks to get to the call center depending on food and water stops…and another 3 or 4 to get back. You don’t mind waiting do you? In the mean time, the dvd drive would make a lovely glass holder for your MacAllan…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Reblogged this on WritersDream9 and commented:
    This is just too funny not to share! All likes and comments to: seumasgallacher.com Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It seems to be standard idiocy though. You check router as the screen tells you and then it says you can check if there are problems with the internet in your area by…exactly! Connecting to the internet….Last time my phone was making a huge racket, and it wasn’t the phone (device). I phoned them and they asked me what the problem was…well…can’t you hear it? Have a guess…
    There have been ongoing problems with BT internet for several days here so….Maybe it ‘s a conspiracy…

    Liked by 1 person

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