…eat yer heart out, Mel Gibson… yer Braveheart’s got NUTHIN on Master Gallacher for courage…

kilt 2

 

 

mel…I’m not usually prone to broadcasting the various deeds of valour undertaken by this ol’ Jurassic… but sum’times, yeez just have to tell the WURLD… else, how would they know?… the historians will show a catalogue of episodes, the publication of which, until now, my Scottish modesty has forbidden (what are yeez laughing at, Mabel?)…  unnoted has gone the reckless risk to life and limb as a twelve-year-old regularly walking through Docklands Govan in Glasgow with my school orchestra violin case… equally unchronicled in my late twenties having my hair curly-permed, hanging down to just above my shoulders, sporting simultaneously a Zapata moustache that would have made Pancho Gonzales jealous— and all that while working in the London Branch of a Scottish bank in Lombard Street… (I’m sure it had nowt to do with non career-promotion for the years I was there)… add to those derring-do-isms turning up at an all-ladies gathering to give a speech, wearing my kilt… the editor will no doubt purge the paragraph of commentary attaching to that little outing… but recently, the Daddy-Of-‘Em-All occurred… having wandered around the planet over the last several decades, I’ve lived in some climates that produce insects so big yeez could almost make pets out of them… well, I have a healthy disdain for anything scuttling along the floorboards which looks big enough to carry a chest of drawers on its back… okay, p’raps carrying a matchbox… oh, alright, anything bigger than a quarter of an inch… and for ‘healthy disdain’ read ‘absolute bluudy terror’… I spotted one such creature skulking in the living room yesterday… crouching down behind the sofa… doubtless waiting its malevolent opportunity to strike when my back was turned…

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…in truth, I did not shout, nor did I yell… I screamed at the top of my lungs… the Glasgow accent has always been known as the nearest thing to a war-cry… armed with only a rolled-up newspaper, I flailed and swatted and swiped… nailed that sucker, I did… smack! smack! smack!… and prob’ly about another coupla dozen smacks… yeez can never be too careful with these bluudy things… and hey presto… it transpires that I had bludgeoned to death… a raisin… hey, it was a pretty mean looking raisin… so, eat yer heart out, Mel Gibson… yer Braveheart’s got NUTHIN on Master Gallacher for courage… see yeez later, gotta go re-load my Daily Telegraph… LUV YEEZ!

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27 Comments

Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

27 responses to “…eat yer heart out, Mel Gibson… yer Braveheart’s got NUTHIN on Master Gallacher for courage…

  1. I am laughing and snorting in a most unseemly way, especially for being in my cubicle at work, lol!
    Rather like “Seven At One Blow” 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ken MacAulay

    Behold the great White Hunter a.k.a. Seumas !!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Certainly a “bran” new form of terror!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Be calm my rapidly beating furry heart, pass the smelling salts quickly under my nose and hand me a box of tissues rapidity before I wet my fur with copious tears of laughter…
    I’m honoured to call this brave Warrior Author in Abu Dhabi my friend 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope they’ll remove Mel Gibson’s sculpture and put yours in its place. With the rolled up paper! I’m sure the raisin had a plan for world domination…

    Liked by 2 people

  6. “my hair curly-permed, hanging down to just above my shoulders, sporting simultaneously a Zapata moustache” — NEED to see THAT photo.
    “turning up at an all-ladies gathering to give a speech, wearing my kilt” — want to hear more about those ladies!
    … but I must confess I didn’t see “The Attack of the Grape Corpse” coming. Truly frightening, how I was afraid I could never catch my breath again!
    Thanks for the howl of the day, Darlin’!

    Liked by 1 person

    • ..as I’ve said elsewhere, Linny ….I’m not sure the curly perm photo has been released from Scotland yard files yet… the interment for the raisin will be done after the cops have checked if it has been done in by a cereal killer… and the tapes from the ladies meeting can be purchased for an under-the-counter fee.. :):):)

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hilarious Seumas. 😀 Be very careful. Some huge bug might be putting out bait for you. When we lived on a ground floor, I had a huge roach walk over and stand right in front of my foot. I suspect it was suicidal. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  8. When we arrived in Texas my husband took off on his first sales trip and left me in an apartment hotel for a week. The first night I saw a giant cockroach in the bedroom that scuttled into the wall. I slept with the light on and the next day complained in the managment office that I had seen one and what were they going to go about it….. I think they are probably still rolling around the floor laughing. I had more roach motels under our bed for the next two years than travel lodges… can’t abide the things nor raisins…..very brave Seumas.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. You are a natural story teller! I so enjoy visiting your blog!!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Cate Russell-Cole

    Ahhhh, you just made my day. We have spiders here so big, you can see what colour their eyes are. Yuck!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Pingback: …eat yer heart out, Mel Gibson… yer Braveheart’s got NUTHIN on Master Gallacher for courage… | Seumas Gallacher

  12. Excuse me. I’m still laughing. 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Pingback: Sunday Post – 23rd October | Brainfluff

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