…yer first wheeled collision should always be a memorable event… #TBSU…


…there’s those who think me a tad strange that I’ve never possessed a driving licence in my life… indeed, there’s also those who deem me a tad weird for many other reasons, but that’s another story… so far, I’ve survived into that age category classified as, ‘my WURD, yeez are looking well’ without the need for a drivers docket… thinking back, I sense that my first-ever attempt to commandeer a wheeled vehicle may have had much to do with the lifelong antipathy to motorisation… as a mere sixteen-years-young lad, employed at the time in Tobermory on the beautiful Hebridean Island of Mull, my rented accommodation was with a family who lived in a croft, a small farm steading… the croft was some three or four miles out of the town, along single-track roadways, a traffic medium which I don’t think has changed much in the last hundred years… customary means of transportation each morning was a lift with the garage mechanic who lived in the same house… the desire for a bit more personal mobility enticed me to purchase a motor scooter… second-hand of course, with a massive staff loan from the bank of about thirty pounds of Her Britannic Majesty’s sterling… a further investment outlay on a ‘skid-lid’ and proper leather clothing caused a deeper bite into Master Gallacher’s non-existent savings… came the day to get on the bluudy thing and learn how to manoeuvre it… the mechanic, well-versed in such matters, took it upon himself as Chief Instructor to impart that knowledge to me… we (wisely as it turned out) chose not to go on the common roadway, but to make the maiden ride along the driveway of the house… he must have told me a hundred times the difference between the throttle handle, and the brakes… but, but, but… no sooner did I try to ‘gently’ ease the throttle, than the Vespa took a life of its own… my nervousness contributed in large part to the ensuing melee… instead of throttling ’back’, my right hand sum’how turned it to ‘full’… like a startled stallion, Vespa, Master Gallacher, crash helmet, new leathers and all, accelerated forward at the speed of a helluva sound… ground covered must have been all of seven yards… straight slap bang into a rowing boat, lying up on the grass verge…


…disaster at sea for marine people is one thing… shipping collision on dry land quite sum’thing else… the impact of the machine on boat produced enough firewood to keep Guy Fawkes roasting for eons… Master Gallacher vied with Nadia Comaneci for gymnast of the month with somersaults (plural), landing miraculously feet first into a thistle bush… the Chief Instructor had metamorphosed into an imitation of the Laughing Policeman, with a lucrative tale to tell in the pub for months later… the ad appeared two days later in the Oban Times, ‘Second-Hand Vespa–Hardly Used’… see yeez later… drive carefully now,yeez hear?… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

19 responses to “…yer first wheeled collision should always be a memorable event… #TBSU…

  1. Yes, I have to hand it to you. That’s pretty impressive. 😉




  2. I commend you for never having had a driver’s license! In my future history, personal ownership of power-driven vehicles is banned, for two reasons: the oil supply has run out, and people have recognized that fossile fuels were a major cause of the degradation of the planet’s atmosphere and ecosystem. All vehicles that do exist are either electric or hydrogen powered. I probably also set up this premise because I hate cars! I got rid of mine about a year and a half ago and stopped driving.


  3. This soo reminds me of my “first and last” experience upon a sccoter several years ago! And I am an experienced driver–but I’ll probably never attempt a scooter again. I ended up selling it to an elderly woman 🙂


  4. lol, that story is worth a post to both twitter and facebook and maybe Google+ too. Yer still the man Seumas.


  5. But what did you do with the costume? 😉

    Loved this. Reminded me of my Mom’s teenage story of the old jalopy and the cow. I believe there may have been two versions of that story and I’ve only heard the “cow moved just in the nick of time!” version.
    For the rest of her life, she collected anything bovine related. Perhaps guilt or perhaps just a reminder she was never cut out to drive. 🙂


  6. I think you made the right choice. I have been involved in some horrific auto accidents and have lovely after effects with which to remember. It is interesting to note all of the personal injury accidents were as a result of the mistakes of other drivers. So one needs to worry about self errors and others errors. Best to stay away from the damned things


  7. laurie27wsmith

    I would have loved to have seen an insurance claim for an accident like that Seumas. Hang on, isn’t steam supposed to give way to sail? ‘I’m sorry Constable I didn’t see the boat until the last minute.’ 😉


  8. Great story…I may have giggled at the imagery…sorry 😉


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