…following the surprisingly large response to my attempt yesterday to create a ‘Scottishness Test’, …I think it needs a series of ‘whatever’ tests for the next few days… today’s multiple choice pitches yeez the question of yer ‘Writerness’ :-
1. What’s yer favoured means of communication with other people?
a. Mobile telephone
b. Screaming abuse at talking heads on television news channels
c. What’s ‘other people’?
d. Direct conversation, but only when it doesn’t interfere with internet stuff.
2. Which of these describes yer writing area?
a. A passing resemblance to a ‘Post -It’ billboard advertisement
b. As tidy as the aftermath of a hurricane strike
c. Furnished with its no-further-than-arms’-reach refrigerator, snack stack, chocolate store, biscuits and cookies tin
d. An elephant’s graveyard of torn Nobel Literature Prize candidacy manuscripts
3. When did yeez write yer first successful manuscript?
a. As a 3-year old child prodigy Man (Child) Booker Prize Winner
b. On the walls of the toilets in Walmart forty years ago
c. As a begging letter to the latest EuroLottery winner
d. It’s due any time soon
4. Who is/was the biggest influence on yer writing career?
a. The person who taught yeez joined-up letters
b. Google and Yahoo search engines
c. The teacher who guided yeez in producing the wonderful stuff ‘like what I write’
d. Writing’s a career?
5. What’s yer favourite reading material?
a. Noddy, and any kindergarden books, so long as there’s lots of pictures and no big words
b. Current affairs as seen in the sports pages of the Daily Mail newspaper
c. Any book that can stabilise the writing desk when yeez put it under one of the wobbly legs
d. Laptop for Dummies.