… best to just read what’s on the label… #TBSU…

… I could never comprehend the urge that my English Literature schoolteachers possessed in constantly  imploring we poor numbskull ten-and eleven-year old children to ‘understand’ what the great historic writers were ‘trying to say to us’… in Billy Shakespeare’s  King Dickie III, for example, the monarch squeals out , ‘…a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse…’… now , ‘Master ten-year old Gallacher’, asks the professor, ‘ what do ye think Shakespeare’s’s REALLY trying to say to us?…’  … is he kidding me, or what?… ‘ … please Sir, it looks like he needs some alternative transport to get his arse to f*ck out of there before he cops a belt in the mouth…’… apparently that particular Govan-bred response was not high on the dominie’s expected deliberations… a smack round the ear was my usual reward for such enlightend ‘interpretation’ of the classical authors and playwrights of yesteryear… but it still goes on, ye know… this ol’ Jurassic’s an avid absorber of Amazon reviews… I write reviews when I can, and I like to see what others are doing when they review… and ye can knock me down with a feather from time to time, as I see the ghost of my old Eng. Lit. Prof. guiding the hand of some of the modern reviewers …   ‘…I think what this author is trying to show us is the inner WURKINGs of the semi-submersed psychosis of the temporarily disturbed desk clerk…’ … another nugget here, … ‘…beyond the plain imagery of this scribbler’s pain, it’s evident that there lurks manifold expression of emotion, which will probably be illustrated in future offerings…’ …then ye get the all self-important,  ’cause de critiqueur par excellence’‘…I’m torn between giving this 3  4/5 stars and 4  3/8 stars as the ambivalence of the exposition leaves me slightly fraught…’ WHAT???? get a grip, reviewer people… it’s a book ye’re reading, not a bluudy scientific dissertation … ye either enjoy the novel or ye don’t… end of story … be warned, the next reviewer of my crime thrillers who ventures even near to ‘ambivalent exposition’  can expect a visit somewhere in the wee small hours to discuss the niceties of ‘manifold belts in the mouth’ … yes, Matron, I know I’m shouting again,,. yes, yes,…use yer bluudy syringe if ye must … see yeez later…



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

8 responses to “… best to just read what’s on the label… #TBSU…

  1. Reviews? I love them! Particularly liked the slagging off I got yesterday due to the reader’s Kindle blanking out when he was reading my book, so it took him ages to get back to where he was & he lost battery life!

    I have not made this up.


  2. …ye cpuldn’t make it up… folk wouldn’t believe ye …


  3. laurie27wsmith

    I have to agree Seumas, some people have to make it all sound so complicated. You either like the bloody thing or you don’t, simple as.


  4. Oh my Seamus! That was delightful! I’m following!


  5. Reblogged this on Lisa Jey Davis and commented:
    Ahhh — the review of a review. I LOVE this! Thank you @seumasgallacher!


  6. Pingback: … best to just read what’s on the label… #TBSU…by Seumas Gallacher - Lisa Jey Davis

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