…there’s altogether far too much of the Cable Channel Cheerless Charlies pervading our television screens…this calamity, that disaster, another tragedy unfolding, countless gnashing and wailings of teeth and gums…it has become a desperate effort to find something to counteract it all…to raise a smile, a smirk, a guffaw or three perhaps to brighten our lives… I have the antidote right here…Let me state upfront— the following piece came to me this week in the form of an email attachment, so I know not its provenance, but it’s one of the best I’ve received in a long time, kudos to the unknown writer … I will cut and paste it, untampered by my editorial efforts :
“Subject: I’m not welcome at TESCO
Didn’t like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local TESCO’s
store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was
in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog..
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was
starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,
because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 2 stone before I
woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with
my story.)Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an
Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. I’m now banned from TESCO’s. Better watch what you
ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of
daft things to say.”
Quite a cute tale that made me quake and quackle with laughter, worthy of a quaff or, in your special ward, perhaps a Quaalude.
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A good laugh is always welcome medicine !!! :):) Cheers , Tom..
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Great way to start my morning – with a laugh! Thanks for the post – I would have loved to have been at Tesco – but wait! Your name must be getting around as a bad boy – maybe Facebook is getting the word out? Pretty soon there’ll be no place left for you to go – you’d better tread softly! Or are you just on a quest to try out the different jails in the universe?
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I would dearly love to have been the guy in the Tesco story,, but can only claim the second part with the Duck piece as mine ! :):) mwaah🙂
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Pingback: My brother Seumas Gallacher gives us that which we all need so desperately…a laugh and a smile…:) « Thomas Rydder
Now that was indeed an amusing tale. Thank so much for sharing it.
Paul R. Hewlett
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Thanks, Donald, for this spot of cheer. And, PLEASE,, don’t tell matron that there are others of us roaming unmedicated through life. Although it’s sometimes an internal argument over which is better… dribbling and drooling serenity, or existence on the edges of lucidity… for the moment I’m opting for being able to feed myself. Quack quack!😉
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It’s the wildness of the unmedicated that keeps us all on that lovely edge between insanity,.. and further insanity … :):)
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Sounds like something my dad would do! Can’t wait to share this with him in about 10. Thanks, Seumas! As always, enjoyed it!
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I’m sure he’s the kinda guy that would do that stuff , too .!!
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A great piece Seamus, I’m really glad to link up with you again, it seems so long ago that we knew each other here in Manila. I admire your blogging skills greatly as I am just starting one of my own and am experiencing all the problems of a naive new writer.
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Pingback: …of Irish Setters and Donald Duck…to raise a smile, a smirk, a guffaw or three perhaps… | Seumas Gallacher
Nothing funnier that people with no sense of humour who don’t get the joke! Great one! Needed a good laugh today!
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cheeeers . Olga :)))
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Quacked me up there Seumas, I love joking with shop assistants. They are so serious.
Laurie.
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:)))
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