…there are times when my little grey cells are so sparse, yeez can count them on one finger… ‘muddle’ is my middle name… or was that, ‘middle’ is my……? …blessed with flashes of Einsteinian insights I am not… and regularly, my elevator certainly ‘doesn’t go all the way to the top’… nevertheless, into every intelligence-starved brain the occasional geniusism glints…in pursuit of an everlasting legacy to leave behind for Mankind when I eventually slope off to the big Laptop Shop in the Sky, I believe I have discovered my wee offering for the rest of yeez out there… it’s apparent to me that a gazillion squillions of moolah is sloshing around in certain parts of the globe, seeking new homes… yeez have all seen them… the daily, almost hourly, emails from assorted widows of Nigerian/Burkina Faso/Somalian/Liberian generals with oodles of unclaimed dollars to share… obscure officials from even more obscure Financial Central Banks from places with names straight out of the Scrabble dictionary… with dead-mens’ fortunes to spirit away… on the distaff side of the email inbox, other types of messages arrive… yeez can spot them immediately… the tell-tale sign is the opener, ‘My dearest whoever yeez are’… ‘Chosen one of my heart…’ ‘I’ve carefully selected your name’… (I’d always thought my parents had done that)…etc… these unfortunate souls have been stricken with poverty-inducing tragedies on a scale only matched by that time Miley Cyrus was obliged to go on stage fully-clothed… but, I digress… here’s my plan… I’ve devised a means of tying up the two types of email streams… the Moolah-Mountain-Moguls with the Charity-Cherishing-Champions… there’s them what wants to give… and them what wants to receive… …I ask for no thanks… merely doing my wee bit to bring together the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’… and maybe this ol’ Jurassic’ll be able to get on with the rest of his email life in peace… although somehow, I feel that may not happen anytime soon… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ…
Tag Archives: self-publishing
…I ask for no thanks… merely doing my wee bit to bring together the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’… #TBSU…
…we quill-scrapers can be a sensitive bunch… as far as criticising our wee masterpieces are concerned, it can be very much a ‘…if yeez-prick-me-do-I-not-bleed?’ drama thing… and no amount of emotional tourniquets or Granny’s salve, ‘…don’t worry, son, I LUV yer WURK, even if these nutters out there don’t appreciate it’ will make the nasty review beastie ‘go away’… after a while yeez get to understand that sycophants and trolls exist happily side by side in the Literary WURLD… and yeez all get yer fair share of them over time… the slalom of LUV IT/HATE IT/LUV IT/HATE IT/LUV IT most of us experience about our own production usually becomes less violent after a time, and we kinda just know the level of quality of the hours/days/eons of our labours that finish up on the real or virtual shelves… reviews are important, however… reviews show yeez that sumb’dy’s at least taken time to actually read yer stuff… reviews give other prospective buyers/downloaders a sense of yer wee babies… and in the universe of the Great God Amazon Kindle, reviews are the magnets yeez want to have on yer author’s page… a WURD of caution to any of yeez who may (heaven forfend) seek to manipulate or even womanipulate yer reviews… manufactured sheaves of 5-star repeated commendations with a WURD or phrase tweeked here and there are so transparently obvious… and paradoxically, a smattering (just a smattering, mind) of even negative comments lend positive credence to the panel of reviews yeez get… readers are not dumb… they like what they like, and can make their own minds up… yeez ‘ll get to learn whose opinions to respect, whose advice to heed, whose directions to take aboard… and ignore the rest… treat them as neither brilliant nor blehh!… they only are… this lot below have attracted more than 100 reviews to date, and I won’t bore yeez with the individual aggregate of stars (I’ll leave that to the astronomers and astrologers), but I’m happy with them… and if any of yeez feel inclined to add yer own tuppence-worth to them, be my guest… see yeez later…LUV YEEZ…
…Ladieeees and Gennnlemennn!… the Unsurpassable Charity Parkerson’s ‘UNSURPASSED’… fill yer boots … #TBSU…
…prolific Author friend, Charity Parkerson is no stranger to bestselling success… just have a wee peek at some of her assorted accolades:
…award winning and multi-published author with Ellora’s Cave Publishing. Born with no filter from her brain to her mouth, she decided to take this odd quirk and insert it in her characters.
*2013 Readers’ Favorite Award Winner
*2013 Reviewers’ Choice Award Winner
*ARRA Finalist for Favorite Paranormal Romance
*Five-time winner of The Mistress of the Darkpath
*Named one of the top 10 best books by an Indie author in 2011- Paranormal Reads Reviews
*Best Paranormal Romance of 2012- Paranormal Reads Reviews
…comes now the release of her latest offering to gazillions of global fans, UNSURPASSED… and, no, Mabel, that’s not me on the cover page…
The blurb itself is intriguing:
Book 1 in the No Rival series
Aubree is infatuated with two men, Max and Ryan. The two former Marines have been her close friends ever since she made her first misguided attempt at joining their kickboxing classes. When the pair invites her to join them at a weekend party thrown by Drew, a famous MMA champion, she has no idea what they have in mind. After spending one hot ménage night with the pair, Aubree learns the men’s intentions are not all about her. Feeling betrayed, Aubree turns to Drew who is also tugging at her heart. She must choose between the two men who have been the center of her fantasies, and the one man who could make all her dreams come true.
Inside Scoop: This sexy tale includes a ménage and male/male encounters that may leave you wishing for an alpha male fighter of your own.
A Romantica contemporary erotic romance from Ellora’s Cave Publishing
…let’s tease yeez in with an excerpt:
Leaning against the cool wood of the hotel room door, she met his stare trying hard not to smile like an idiot.
“This was fun.”
Drew’s eyes flashed. “If you ask nicely, I’ll let you take me to bed.”
She shook her head at his antics. “What if I’m not feeling especially nice?”
Drew brushed his hand over her hip. “You’re right. You do feel naughty,” he agreed. Holding her stare, he bent closer, giving her time to protest his advance. The door opened at Aubree’s back. If she hadn’t hit the solid wall of Max’s chest, she might have ended up sprawled across the floor. Tilting back her head, she took note of the angry expression on Max’s face before switching her gaze back to Drew. His eyes danced with humor as he mouthed, “Denied,” and Aubree slapped her hand over her mouth to smother her giggles.
“Have a nice night, Drew.” Drew ignored Max’s snarling words.
“May I see you again?”
“I’d like that,” she answered without hesitation. Max growled. At the sound, Drew flashed him a cocky grin before giving her a wicked version of it and turning away. As soon as he moved out of the doorway, Max slammed it closed, focusing his ire on her. She’d never seen him truly angry before now. She laughed nervously.
“Are you drunk?”
“No,” she answered, incredulous. “I’ve had two glasses of champagne all night.”
“Your face is flushed.”
Aubree shrugged. “I’m happy. I had a good time.”
Max prowled toward her. The hard set of his jaw caused a flutter of desire to run through her. “Did you forget who you came here with?”
Unable to think of a single retort, she shrugged again. “I’m young and single. Why shouldn’t I enjoy myself?”
Max’s eyes flashed dangerously. His tone had a bite to it when he spoke. “You are not single.”
..there yeez are now.. off yeez go and download it, tell them I sent yeez…see yeez later… LUV YEEZ…
…when yeez have a coupla million bucks in the bank account, the mortgage paid, and no bills outstanding anywhere, yeez can pretty much suit yerselves what yeez do with yer day… that status is still to arrive for this ol’ Jurassic on an as-yet-unspecified future date… for legions of we quill-scraping virtual candle-lit garret dwellers such financial independence awaits our next multi-gazillion sales masterpiece… meantime, there’s WURK to be done… the apprenticeship for a modern-day wannabe Steinbeck, Dickens or Rowling never hints at the range of skill-sets required to burgeon into a fully-fledged ‘indie’… no mention of the scribblers gift being just the start of the journey… the brilliance of plot-spinning, the genius of word-smithing, the control of myriad character development themes… all of these commendable attributes merely the beginning of the happy trudge… and like the abundance of skins peeling away from a giant onion, the various bits that ‘have-to-be-done-by-sumb’dy’ become apparent… and cause just as much tears to flow as peeling a real giant onion… proof-reading, copy editing, balance of narrative… who’da thunk they’d be important?… art work for cover pages, IBSNs to index yer labours, copyright certification to protect yer wee babies from Literary Piracy Captain Bluebeards… why wusn’t we told?… then the ‘shall-I-compare-thee-to-the-labours-of-Samson?’ nightmare of hunting down the invisible yeti-like Agent or Publisher to carry yer tome to an adoring readership… else going it solo via the Great God Amazon and its ePublishing cohorts… paralleled with doing hand-to-hand combat with a printing house yerself to produce some ‘never-mind-the-writing,-feel-the-paper’ copies… and, Lads and Lassies, that’s just the beginning… yeez are obliged to metamorphose variously into advertising moguls, speech-givers, presentation experts… and I’m not gonna even mention the SOSYAL NETWURKS… that’ll keep until yeez stop reeling from this post… when yeez are a Self-Publishing Author, yeez can’t say, ‘…it’s not my job!’… however, the quirk that motivates most of this great universal family of sriveners keeps us coming back for more… I’ve tried to encapsulate some of this in my latest offering, SELF-PUBLISHING STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL SALES… I hope it helps… see yeez later, LUV YEEZ…
…manna from Literary heaven… a glorious review from Author Martin Roy Hill for ‘SELF-PUBLISHING STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL SALES’… #TBSU…
…my very good Author mate, Martin Roy Hill has paid this ol’ Jurassic a great honour with this review of SELF-PUBLISHING STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL SALES… many thanks, that man… Martin’s excellent webpage is here, give him a follow… : http://www.martinroyhill.com
A MUST HAVE FOR EVERY WRITER
Seumas Gallacher is a man with a split personality. First he’s the author of a successful thriller series featuring hard-fighting former SAS operator Jack Calder. In a personality reversal, he also writes a humorous writing blog in the character of a rambling Scotsman with an almost indecipherable Scottish brogue. I’ve become a fan of both personalities. In Self-Publishing Steps to Successful Sales, Gallacher combines both personalities, producing a serious discussion on the benefits of social media to independent authors that is punctuated with a light wit.
Gallacher doesn’t get into the weeds about the writing life or writing style. His point here is that it’s not enough to just write a book, you’ve got to get it noticed by readers and, more importantly, readers who buy books. A former international banker now living in Abu Dhabi, Gallacher approaches book selling using the same elements he used as a businessman — a business plan, business, marketing, and promotional campaigns, and a budget.
Most importantly, Gallacher shows how to get your book in front of readers by using the tools afforded by Amazon’s KDP publishing platform, and Internet social media like Twitter, Facebook, websites, and blogs. Despite using these tools virtually every day for the past three years to promote my own books, I felt like a neophyte while reading Gallacher’s book.
Whether you’re a novice writer or a publishing pro, Self-Publishing Steps to Successful Sales should be in your library.
…completely shameless Medya Tart, me… I’m emb’dy’s for the scrape of an interviewer’s pen… column inches in yer local mag?.. this ol’ Jurassic’s yer huckleberry… television crew in the locality?… show me the way to the cameras… sound bite from the self-publishing scribbler?… yup, tick that box as well… comes now the next aural imposition on the listening-public-at-large… this Saturday morning Abu Dhabi Classic FM, will threaten the credibility of its franchise by letting me into their studio in Abu Dhabi… subject matter supposedly the ePublishing phenomenon… let’s see where that takes us… the charming Ms Gina Peach is tasked with pitching the questions… the whisper is she’ll have her finger on the Taser Gun to keep the conversation half-way sensible… I’ve been asked to choose a piece of Classical Music to intersperse my inanity on air… I’ve proposed Wagner’s ‘Ride of the Valkyries’, which is about as close as it gets to summarising the trip most of we quill-scrapers go through on the way to Literary Stardom… which got me to pond’ring… about which bits of music I frequently have as background when I’m writing… I’m not much into the wallpaper background stuff so dearly loved by the ‘please-hold-the-line-forever’ robot voices on company telephone extensions... my preferences are more for ‘mood’ pieces… the Muse seems to produce better for me with an eclectic range… ‘Amazing Grace with bagpipers and Andre Rieu’, anything by Judy Collins, the incomparable Andrea Bocelli, Freddy with his Bohemian Rhapsy-thing, Celtic ballads, Ray Charles, Willie ‘I’m Gonna Sing ‘Til I’m A Hundred’ Nelson, Harry Nilsson... and so it goes on… the colour radio stations usually give yeez a copy of the interview afterward (will yeez just listen to me!..‘usually’!!)… if it doesn’t break all the broadcasting ROOLS… yeez’ll prob’ly hear it on here in a day or so…
…if yeez are in the UAE and feel like listening around 10.15 am, please tune in on Abu Dhabi Classic FM
91.6 Abu Dhabi, 105.2 Al Ain, 87.9 Dubai
meantime, see yeez later… LUV YEEZ… here’s the Ride of the Valkyries for yeez to get in the mood…
…over the last wee while, I’ve noticed several Author ‘Facebookies’ complaining to the WURLD at large that, basically, nob’dy LUVS them… the sum’times paralysing constant checking of the Amazon Kindles Sales reports with sparse downloads leaves them utterly bereft… the eternal clamour for Facebook ‘likes’ leaves me bewildered, mainly coz I really don’t understand the need for Facebook ‘likes’… it’s even more apparent to me, despite my dearth of little grey cells, that far too many writers, newbies and established names, expect an avalanche of affirmation merely by throwing their masterpieces onto the internet… a-hem… IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!… IT DOESN’T WURK THAT WAY!... consider this, Lads and Lassies of Blog Land— at my last guesstimation there’s a trillion, squillion new titles being released on the ePublishing channels every fourteen and a half minutes… the sheer volume of timeline traffic on Facebook and the other SOSYAL NETWURKS reduces the odds of yer pleas to the readership universe to have a decko at yer WURK being heard… but, all is not as desperate as it may appear… this ol’ Jurassic’s been banging on for a while now about the efficacy of BUILDING THE PLATFORM... yeez have to develop yer NETWURKS’ relationships… every day, every week, every month… and then maintain and LUV the heck out of them… the measure of ‘success’ differs for each of us, but I still get that fabulous buzz when even one person downloads anything I’ve written, and multiply that buzz if they scribble a review for any of it… it’s called ‘affirmation’… and if we’re honest about it, it’s one of the primary reasons most of us quill-scrape in the first place… to be acknowledged… to know sum’body likes our stuff… but, here’s another wee tip… if Facebook is being unreasonable, tardy or reluctant to show emb’dy on there acknowledging yer greatness, just step over to yer wall mirror… and repeat after me… ‘ye’re a wonderful writer, I LUV yer WURK,‘ … that’ll fix it… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ… mean time, if all else fails, here’s another peek at my SELF-PUBLISHING STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL SALES:
…my Man of Dignity for the Month… Hishammuddin Hussein, Acting Minister of Transport of Malaysia… #TBSU…
…it would be a heartless creature indeed who felt no sympathy for the families of those aboard the MH 370… primary thoughts and prayers correctly belong to them right now… like many hundreds of millions around the globe, I’ve watched the cable television news coverage of the day to day search… unhappily, part of that coverage includes the daily press briefings with the sometimes inane questioning from the local and world’s assembled press… whatever theory each of us may harbour regarding the mystery of what has happened to the aircraft and its passengers and crew, the simple single fact remains… no-one knows for certain… it may well be, that in the fullness of time, discovery, examination and investigation of the circumstances of MH 370‘s disappearance will provide more human fodder for the ‘blame-hawks’… I witnessed similar, brutal, barbed and poisonous, press-conference interrogation in the aftermath of the tragic typhoon disaster which struck the small city of Tacloban in the Philippines… the eternal adage is that bad news sells well, and terrible news sells terribly well… 24/7 news channels and their repetitive talking heads’ hunger for drama often sits neatly alongside the ‘don’t let facts get in the way of a good story’ syndrome… finger-pointing, blame, and prejudgment is part and parcel of that… amidst all of this journalistic shrapnel, Acting Minister of Transport, Hishammuddin Hussein (pictured above) has served as a wonderful lightning rod, diffusing much of the vitriol and speculation… like myself, I suppose many of you may have been in similar situations as the spokesperson for a company, community, whatever, handling crises (although unlikely ever to have approached a scale such as this man has had to cope with)… it’s not easy, particularly if some among the questioners seem to have a sharpened negative agenda… Hishammuddin Hussein has exemplified all that is good in a man of obvious dignity… he cares deeply about the families, relatives and friends of those whose fate is as yet still unresolved… Mister Hussein, I’ve never met you, but I’d be honoured to have you as a friend… you are my Man of Dignity for the Month…
…like a lot of yeez Lads and Lassies of Blog Land, I spend a lot of time merely observing folk… people-watching is a satisfying pastime… I do it at airport lounges, restaurants, gatherings… I’ve shared before I spend regular time in my writing den in the lobby of the Jumeirah at Etihad Towers Hotel here in Abu Dhabi (yeez can see the fancy picture at the sidebar here)… it’s one of the best people-watching locations ever… the flow of pedestrian traffic is constant, and because it’s a beautiful expansive lobby, half-carpeted and half-marbly-tiled…families often see their children turn it into a temporary playground… the confluence of different nationalities never ceases to amaze me, and yesterday I witnessed a microcosm of what I could only hope the WURLD would develop into… it began slowly… a clutch of infants, sitting initially with their Moms and Dads at separate parts of the huge lounge area, eventually did what most kids do… got bored just sitting and ‘behaving’… the age range prob’ly 3 to 5 years old, certainly no older… the exploratory coupla steps away from the parents developed into a wider range… and they discovered other, new, playmates… it didn’t take long for a game of ‘tag’ to ensue… running, giggling, laughing, and yes, a wee bit of high-pitched kids’ shrieking resulted… ultimately, of course. as each family made its departure, child by child, the group were reined in and they left the hotel to go their disparate ways… so what’s so interesting about that, Master Gallacher? yeez may ask… here’s the thing… I’d bet these children had never seen each other before yesterday afternoon… and, (this is not the beginning of a silly joke)… one was Asian, one was Black, one was White, and one was Arabic… go figure… so, here’s yer thought for today… what the heck is it that gets in the way from childhood to supposed mature adulthood that often f*cks up the WURLD at the levels of those who ‘run’ the planet for the rest of us?… give it to the children, I say… right, FILOSOFIE over for the day… get back to yer WURK, folks… move along… NUTHIN to see here… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ…
…commitment… paying it forward… paying it backward… paying it in any direction yeez can think of…a remarkable blogger by emb’dy’s measure… Lads and Lassies of Blog Land, I give yeez the redoubtable Cathy McNally… if I thought my hillock of To Be Read pile on Kindle was daunting, have a squint at this Lady’s… a veritable Literary Everest to get through… even her blog handle, 746 Books–Confessions of a Book Buying Addict (“www.746books.wordpress.com ‘) kinda gives it away a bit…
Cathy is a ‘forty-something mother of twins from ‘Norn Irn’ (Northern Ireland to the rest of yeez)… she dubs herself a ‘fledgling blogger’, but she’s certainly won great respect from this ol’ Jurassic… go on over and support her blog, good people… here’s a recent sample of some of her review work… LUV IT!…
Number 728 …..
‘Tampa’ by Alissa Nutting
I need to start by saying that I can handle an unlikeable lead character. Hell, I love an unlikeable lead character. Keith Talent, Patrick Bateman, Mrs Danvers are all great, memorable characters. Great protagonists have no need to be likeable; they just need to be compelling. A character can have a dubious moral code and still move the reader, as long as that code can be understood but not necessarily shared by the reader.
With that in mind, meet Celeste Price. She is a beautiful, wealthy, married, 26-year-old blonde who drives to her teaching job at a Florida high school in a red sports car. She’s also a self-obsessed, vain, amoral sociopath who tends to get what she wants. And what she wants? 14 year old boys. She’s not your average paedophile then, but paedophile she is and this is 265 pages of intentional shock and salaciousness set inside the head of an obsessive sexual predator. Now I have just read The Seven Days of Peter Crumb where I was totally invested in and moved by the plight of a murdering, raping, mentally ill psychopath. Celeste has the potential to be that type of character, so it’s is a shame then that I just got so bloody bored of her.
Nutting attended the same Florida high school as Debra Lafave who, in 2004 gained notoriety for seducing one of her 14 year old students. Had I known that Lafave escaped a custodial sentence on the grounds that she was too attractive for jail, I may have given up on Tampa. I was really only reading to the end to see Celeste get her comeuppance. But Nutting stays pretty faithful to the Lafave plot.
As well as the Lafave case, Nutting also wants to draw comparisons to Nabokov’s Lolita. Like Humbert, Celeste chooses her victim with care and sleeps with the parent of her victim in order to remain int he illicit relationship. However, to compare the two any further than that would be like comparing Goodfellas to Mickey Blue Eyes on the grounds that they both contain gangsters.Nabokov’s writing is lyrical, Nutting’s is banal. There are no explicit sex scenes in Lolita, Tampa has little else.
When she’s not having sex with children, Celeste is thinking about it, masturbating about it or having unavoidable sex with adults and fantasising about it. This is a book that is trying really, really hard to shock, but any shock is very quickly dissipated by over indulgence and by about half way through I started skimming the dirty but dull sex scenes in the hope that there might be something approaching character development or plot around the corner. No such luck.
“I knew that if I was going to write this I was going to refuse to euphemise, I was not going to hide behind language,” says Nutting. Yet that is exactly what she does. Tampa hides behind the cheap pornographic set pieces – the taking of Jack’s virginity goes on for 10 PAGES – to mask the fact that the satire it is striving for is absent. There is a lack of any kind of exploration of why Celeste is the way she is. The same criticism can be levelled at American Psycho, but at least it contains humour and wit and targets the wider empty toxic environment that Patrick Bateman exemplifies. For the satire to be successful, Celeste has to be aware that she is trapped within her own egoism but she’s not. We are merely trapped there with her and it’s not a pleasant place to be. Given no broader moral point, the story is as empty, shallow and superficial as its protagonist and the reader is left with nothing to invest in.
Debra Lafave, the ‘inspiration’ for Celeste Price.
All other characters are, without exception, two-dimensional, the continuous descriptions of every type of sex imaginable are wearisome and some of the plotting is questionable. Does Celeste’s classroom have no windows? Is that kind of acrobatic sex possible in the back seat of a convertible sports car? How can her cop husband not realise he is being drugged on a regular basis? Why on earth call it Tampa if it doesn’t make any discernible difference to the plot?
Given the current climate of Operation Yewtree and the currency of the subject matter, it is clear that there is a point to be made about female sexual offenders and how society views them, but Tampa is not the book to do it.
Thanks for being there, Cathy… LUV IT!