.. ‘into every silver lining a cloud will creep’, aver the Negative Nellies… I much prefer to be on the other bus with the ‘here comes the sun, pretty darling’ crew… I mentioned recently the emotional roller coaster ride that takes over when ye get immersed properly in this quill-scraping caper… well, it’s at it again, folks… I’m too old in the tooth to worry about ‘don’t mention stuff in case ye put a hex on it’... so I’m delighted to tell yeez about another ‘first’ this week… I’ve shared before about the initial sheaf of agents’ query letters I banged off a couple of years ago… precisely 40, matched with precisely 40 rejection slips... this time, with a lot of literary water under the writer’s bridge, I applied a tad more focus… selective agents in London… zoned in on my genre (don’t ye LUV the sound of that word, ‘JONRR’...)… sweated blood in producing a 500-word synopsis… (oh, alright, it was only 498 words, but what the heck..)… whipped on the first three chapters… explained my efforts in BUILDING THE PLATFORM …(very important apparently… no, strike that… very, very, very important…)… the 60,000+ downloads on Amazon Kindle to date (kinda helps, I feel…)… and pressed the magical SEND button… the web page instructions for Submissions said to anticipate up to eight weeks for any responses … is there any crueller stunt to pull on an author, I wonder?… however, within the first two weeks, three replies in the ‘you have a message’ box… and, ye’ve guessed it…‘sorry, like yer work, but not for us, thanks…‘ …ye tell yerself., yeah, I was expecting that, it doesn’t really hurt… right?… like hell!… it hurts!… but the joy of the ol’ roller-coaster kicks in again… three days ago, an email pinged in from an eminent global agency in London, which I SHALL keep nameless for the present (there’s still some superstitions I wanna keep, Mabel)… would I mind letting them have the rest of the manuscript?… mind? MIND? BLUUDY MIND???… it was ‘see-attached-email-ed’ in nano-seconds… oh, and could they possibly have a three-week exclusivity?… oh, alright then, if ye must… whether it comes to sumthin’ or not.. it’s a whole lotta steps further than we’ve been before… and it feels nice... oops, here comes Matron with that bluudy syringe to keep the feeling going a bit longer … see yeez later …
Tag Archives: computer literacy
… it has long been a feature of acknowledgment of special achievement in military parlance… ‘Mentioned in Despatches’… that highly honourable accolade supposedly emanated from the British involvement in its War in India…(ye can see all this stuff on the Internet, Mabel…)… apparently it DOES NOT include heckling at a Lord Justin Beiber concert… nor wearing the colours of the opposing team in the home fans’ area of a football stadium (these are more generally found in the obituaries column…)… our own little modern-day contribution to this idiom is THE BLOG SCRATCHERS UNION... the hashtag is #TBSU... many of yeez know this already, but settle down at the back, there… we’re trying to let the ‘others’ know as well… plainly, it simply goes under the banner of ‘you scratch my blog, and I’ll scratch your blog’... at the tail of most of my own blog posts ye’ll see a wee list of ‘Blogs To Follow’... during the course of my daily SOSYAL NETWURKIN activities, these crop up from all over the place… nice folks who’ve mentioned me in their tweets or Facebook shares.... most Twitter accounts also have a line on the profile incorporating the blog address… easy to pick that up… then… just LIST ‘EM, as ye’ll see at the bottom of this post… then Tweet the listees so they can see it… remember to ADD YER OWN BLOG ADDRESS so ye get some pick-up mileage too… let’s help each other grow on here … LUV YEEZ... cheers :
The Blog Scratchers Corner
Blogs To Follow
Cheers. :):) pass these around and enjoy …:)
…giggle-fest!… fearless Author pal, Kevin Swarbrick let me loose in his Guest Post slot today… #TBSU…
… my pal, Author Kevin Swarbrick has done me proud in this interview.. it was FUN! …
@KevinSwarbrick ‘Deliciously Scandulous blog Tour’ Interviewing the awesome author, Seumas Gallacher.
Nice Bio for a 97 year old lol, I can see the fun has started alredy… Thank you for the brief introduction, Seumas, I won’t even ask if you are wearing any, just as long as you let your mind hang out on this interview then we’re all safe… Wait a minute doesn’t a man have two minds!! Use your top one please Seumas, and I hope by doing so, you get to make that million dollars from being a guest on my blogspot. Its nice to know you for spot talent! ’Giggles’ let’s see how you can answer these questions and also thanks again for being here Its my pleasure to be here.
I would like you to make a short story up using no more than 500 words, containing every one of these 14 key words; Tube, Swing, Cube, Dog Poo, Blood, Window, Dad, Car, Sex, Limp, Job, Grass, Nite, DM!
I seem to have discovered the ability to shut out the external noise. Besides, I have a personal thing about there only being two kinds of day… Good Days and Better Days. It’s difficult for Negative Nellies to get to me.
I can relate to that, I have only just started learning over the years how to shake off that negative. If people can’t be happy for you, then they’re not meant to be a part of you. I’m youngish and I am not 97 ‘giggles’, I still have a lot of learning to do, but that is one thing I have learned, is to shake off negativity, it’s the best way to move forward. Speaking of forward lets move on…
If you had a chance to run any country and make to make a difference, what countrywould that be and why?
I’d love to be the Wizard Gandalf with the Magic Wand to transform the lives of the general populace in the Philippines. The country is blessed with the most joyful, laughing, singing, dancing, good-natured folks imaginable, but counterpointed with natural and man-made disasters on a regular scale. They deserve better fortune.
I can relate to that, but if you had a magic wand you wouldn’t need to be on my blog spot trying to make a million dollars. I’ll be borrowing that wand and having a pint with you… Don’t forget who your friends are
What would you say the worse thing a reader has ever said to you, and what was your reaction?
The earliest negative review I received was from some guy who gave THE VIOLIN MAN’S LEGACY two stars out of five. The dagger-through-the-heart feeling was palpable. I then checked the only other review this guy had done. It was on John Grisham. He gave him one star out of five! From that time forward, I try to treat the bulk of reviews with a huge barrel of salt.
I thought we had already discussed negative energy, I’m just glad you have moved on from that now. I know when I received one 2 star review, I felt the same as you, but then reality kicks in, ‘what does it matter’ you’re going to get people that like your work and then you’re going to get people that it doesn’t appeal to, same old saying, ‘you can’t please them all.’
I would like you to vision yourself walking down a busy high street with a partner or a friend, and suddenly there was a noise that came from your their bottom and the public turned around looking at you, what would your reaction be and why?
I’d laugh my head off. I’m squarely in Billy Connolly’s court with this stuff. Bodily functions are normal, and the surprise is what makes us giggle. Farting should be franchised, I say.
‘Giggles’, I just had a vision then, of you and your friends in that room next to Billy Connolly standing around drinking whisky with all the kilts lifting up with gushes of wind coming from your backsides, a bit like that film… what’s it called again?… it’s an old classic… ‘Blazing Saddles’ that’s the one, you know where they’re all sat round a camp fire eating beans, I think you know the rest,. Take that vision and I think it could be another great comedy stretch depending on how it’s done of course
Use only two words that would describe you?
The first word certainly sums you up and I can see where the positive comes into play, I just hope you go easy on me after this interview goes live
8, Have you ever been…
A, The owner of a lonely heart
B. The owner of a broken heart
C. None of the above?
If the answer is C, please can you tell the reader how you have done it, I can see the reader would being interested to know that one, I know I am.
A and B, several times over.
Sorry to hear that, Seumas. I know how those hearts can hurt! This is the third interview and they have all been the owner of a broken heart, but not several times, mind you! My answer to that would be 5 times so far, but I’ve not reached several times just yet, who know’s what tomorrow brings!
It’s time for a little fun, I would like you to do the rhyme ‘Humpty Dumpty’. Using your own words and without holding back.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the King’s horses, and all the Kings men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast.
… And then amen! I meant a little like this ‘ Kev’s Style’
When you are writing, do you ever think, ‘Erm me and my partner did that once, that has to go into the story?
Only once? Hardly. You’ve got to practice some stuff a lot to write about it with authority.
If you could be a Musical instrument, which one would you be and why?
Violin. It’s an instrument that can evoke the entire range of human emotions. (And some of them are worth a lot of money, so I’d also change my name to ‘Seumas Stradivarius’.)
Seumas Stadivarius, now that’s a great name I don’t think I could be any Musical instrument that has strings, people have played with my strings for far too long, but I am glad they have now or I wouldn’t be the person I am today
I will toast to that
Do you ever remember a part in your life that made a huge impact on you as a person. If so what was it and why?
Loads of them. Growing up as a teenager, working in the Scottish Hebrides after leaving home at 15. Six years there, among great characters and the most friendly, generous people I’ve ever known has left a legacy with me.
Who inspired you to write or was it always a dream to be an author?
Great interview with a great guest. Thank you Seumas for being such a great sport and taking your time out to take part of this blog tour
We would both like to thank all the readers for all their support. We both hope you have enjoyed this interview. Until next week when I have another great guest lined up for you! Right, that is me out of here now… Enjoy your weekend, I have a cheeky pint to attend to before it goes warm. Cheers everyone !!
… I can p’raps understand how the sound of the Glasgow accent can push strangers back a little defensively when they first hear it… we Lads and Lassies from Dockland Govan can ‘load‘ our voices better than any well-equipped machine gun… BUT, that’s in the spoken word… therefore I’m still struggling a tad to figure out how I’ve managed to rattle the cages of my as-yet-to-be READING friends in Brazil and Spain… ye’ll forgive me if I make the assumption that somewhere along the line I’ve upset these two excellent bastions of the literary reading world… ye see, each time the three-month cycle of 5-day Kindle Free Promos come along, the downloads come flooding in from the Amazon links in the UK, USA, Canada, France, Italy and even Japan…almost every Amazon. somewhere-on-the-planet.com connection EXCEPT that pair of holdouts… it MAY be something to do with their fixation on wiping everybody else off the floor in soccer tournaments, leaving no time to read… OR, a quirk of the Iberian connection …. Brazil speaks a Portuguese-based lingo… whatever it is, my quest for WORLD READER DOMINATION will remain unrequited until I crack these librarial fortresses… and Matron’s hovering with that bluudy syringe, so I’ll be quick here… today, my allegedly ‘funny’, ‘hilarious’, ‘witty’, ‘not-to-be-missed’ (yes, Mabel, I pay people to say stuff like this )… THE BLOGGER’S GUIDE TO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is FREE on Amazon Kindle for the ensuing 5 days ….
… grab a FREE copy here (and tell yer pals… saves ye having to buy them Christmas presents) :
… years ago, an English comic genius, Norman Wisdom, had a signature song, ‘Don’t Laugh at Me, ‘Coz I’m a Fool’… the switch from the laughter to the pathos evoked with the song made it all the more poignant for me, and it still does… looking back over the decades, I’m struck by how strongly the chord still resonates with me… the humanity, and the humility, all wrapped into a few minutes of music from a man who made millions laugh for his living… the life lesson is there for all to learn… (my word, Mabel, this sounds serious, eh?)… no matter how any of us is generally perceived by our fellows, there’s usually at least more than one facet to our individual personalities… the highs and lows in any walk of life are a matter of fact… zoning in on Writers/Authors/Quill-Scrapers in general, prob’ly more so… the joy, blood, sweat and tears of producing the masterpiece… the angst of waiting to see how it fares in the Big Bad World of Publishing... the despair when even one bad review gets registered… the ecstasy when it’s praised by sumb’dy ye don’t even know… there’s the ultimate in roller-coasting emotions… hark back to yer man, the incomparable Norman Wisdom… his technique encapsulated the ability to laugh at himself… and THERE’S the lesson… I suggest we should correctly take our work, our profession, our craft seriously, but never, ever take OURSELVES too seriously… humour is a wonderful release from all sorts of daily stresses.. and MY easiest target for it?… Master Gallacher himself... oh, and you can laugh at me too, if yeez want… meantime, click on here to hear the maestro :
|I was recently tagged for a blog named the Beautiful Blogger & HUG Blog nomination by my good scribbling chum, Scarlett Flame (Scarlett’s Blog is missscarlettflame.blogspot.co.uk ) - thank you m’Lady… ;)
Well, I’m not so sure about the nomenclature ‘Beautiful’, maybe the ‘He Hasn’t Deteriorated TOO Much In The Last Few Years Award’ would be more appropriate …
The ‘HUG’ part I think I can handle …
1. Copy and place the Beautiful Blogger Award in your post.
2. Thank the person that nominated you and link back to their blog
3. Tell 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 7 fellow Bloggers, tell them by posting a comment on their Blog.
NOW to reveal 7 (supposedly) fascinating things about ME:
1. I’ve reached the age of 65 without the attainment of a Drivers Licence, thus underlining my inherent belief that I am marked out to travel in the back of limousines, the front portions of aircraft,
and am expected to test-run five-star hotels and bordellos (and not necessarily in that order)…
2. In consonance with my utter dismay when confronted with ANY computerised gadgetry, I purchased my first-ever laptop four years ago with the express purpose of typing my first novel on it,
utilising only one finger per hand at a time … thus I can earnestly claim that all of Master Gallacher’s literary production is DIGITALLY enhanced…
3. I think it would be a neat idea to produce jigsaw puzzles containing AT LEAST ONE RANDOM UNRELATED EXTRA PIECE in the box without alerting the solvers….
4. I sometimes ask people at these interminably boring cocktail party gatherings , “Are you anybody in particular?”… and rejoice in the consternation that usually generates…
5. I am appalled at the manner in which the UK Educational system has mathematics test papers for 12-year-olds which have gone from the relatively easy questions 50 years ago, such as,
solve ‘the cosine squared root of the inverse fraction of the x + 3yq -(4/287 % x nth quark)’ versus the current-day incredibly complicated , ’10 + 1 – 3′…..
6. I had a Siamese cat once, which i named ‘Fido’, because I wasn’t allowed to call it’ ‘Trouser’ or ‘Pencil’ …
7. I thoroughly agree with something I read elsewhere that wives and sweethearts should understand that ‘peach’ is a fruit, not a colour ….
Step up now my gallant nominees, who are under NO obligation whatsoever to conform here! :):
Charles R Stubbs
K J Waters
… t’ain’t easy being a Media Tart, ye know… maintaining New-Author Icon status is bluudy hard work…#TBSU…
… like that lad, Bo Jesty in the Foreign Legion used to say… if I’d known it was gonna be so time-consuming, I might’ve had second thoughts about joining up… making the transition from the executive suites in the banking industry … to a microcosmic element of the writing industry has NOT been easy… goodness knows, we Scots are famed for our reticent, shy, un-self-proclaiming nature… well, maybe apart from that Mel Braveheart Gibson fella… whom they say wasn’t REALLY Scottish anyway… so for this ol’ Jurassic to be suddenly thrust into the public spotlight has been a bit of a shock to the system … BUT, my peers and peeresses in Blog Land have averred that only 100% engagement with my various diverse publics will suffice… no more of this demure wee persona from Govan peeping out from behind the skirt-tails of anonymity … it’s full, head-on SOSYAL NETWURKIN… smiling from the pages of the Camel-Handlers Weekly, the Kebab-Knitting Monthly and spots in the Daily Whatevers and Whenevers… turning up at author signings and staring at shoppers in the book stores until they threaten to call security… practising in front of a mirror even for RADIO interviews … sheeesssh! … it’s endless, really … now I fully understand why ye never see a SMILING photo of Lee Child, Tom Clancy or J.K.Rowling... the upside is, ye can pretend to be a Legend-In-Yer-Own-Lunchtime if ye want… get sumb’dy to take pictures of ye shaking hands with a ‘devoted fan’ on yer very own Blackberry, then send it all over the world and many other places … bet Dickens never had THAT pleasure, eh, Mabel?… oh, hello, Matron, never noticed ye there… talking to myself again?… who, me?… no!… yes, just one syringe-load ‘ll do fine today, thanks … see yeez later …
… “patience is a virtue, possess it if ye can, often found in Woman, seldom found in Man…” ….so goes the old chestnut… amend that ending to … “…seldom found in Authors/Authoresses…”... and ye’ll get some idea of the frustrations that the ‘drudge of waiting’ visits upon the quill-scraper brigade… as if it isn’t painful enough struggling through the months, and sometimes years to finish yer masterpiece… the Samson-like Labours only begin when the ink has dried on the last full stop of yer tome… it’s all very well and good to have yer aunties and uncles tell ye what a wonderful writer ye are… but the Big Bad Publishing World out there wants ye to PROVE IT… oh, the bluudy angst waiting for replies to the dozens of query letters to the Great and Good Deities enthroned in the Agents’ and Publishers’ Palaces around the globe… the eternal tapping at the laptop, summoning the Amazon Kindle author account pages as the download tally ratchets up in sloth-paced single sales … the eons spent marking time for reviews to wing their way toward yer work… (and Heaven forfend they should be anything less than stellar …)… ye send a review request to the Exalted House of Kirkus, who take (quite correctly) what seems like ages to respond, when in fact it’s only a matter of weeks … after a while ye begin to understand that this whole game is NOT a Sprint, but a series of Marathons… it requires inner fortitude … PATIENCE becomes the chief weapon in yer armoury… I recall a certain Ms Rowling had a period of seven years or so from Master Potter’s demise on paper until recognition ‘that this might be quite a useful story’ … I tell myself… sit back and relax, write another book, change yer whole bluudy life in the meantime… count backwards from a million… emb’dy out there recognize this syndrome?… ah, here come Matron with the syringe… that’ll take care of another few hours… see yeez later…
… through the mists of time, echoing words from my old Grannie resonate every now and then… among them the pithy, “ye can have too much of a good thing, y’ know…”..that may well be the case, but I’m discov’ring there’s some stuff that seems cast with limitless pleasure … most of yeez who follow my blog will know by this time I’m a self-confessed tenant of a massive ‘feelgood’ cloud… the euphoria kicked in shortly after banging my first novel on to Amazon Kindle a couple of years ago… then came the revelatory daily-renewable gratification of immersion in the SOSYAL NETWURKIN community… the whirl of literary guest-speaking events around Abu Dhabi… the splendidly generous magazine and newspaper pieces on this ol’ Jurassic and his work… recently, the Abu Dhabi Book Fair saw fit to permit me to do a couple of book signings, a self-publishing panel slot with my great writing buddy, Author Jody. J. Ballard (she of the incredibly good debut novel, THE SMELL OF MUD), and a mind-boggling, author’s ego-stroking, interview Q and A session by invitation to the Royal Stand at the Fair… all this would start to creep into Granny’s “too much of a good thing, etc…”… except IT DOESN’T STOP there… yesterday was a tad different… an Arts and Crafts Fair event filled a local Mall Atrium where all sorts of goodies were on display… artists’ offerings, toys, handicrafts… and signed copies of novels by Master Gallacher... the whole affair ran for 12 hours (yes, 12 hours)… net result on copies sold amounted to 20 books… doesn’t sound very much does it?… but I ask myself.. in a normal day’s book shop sales, how many would be bought?… certainly nothing like that … placed against the download totals on Amazon, also inconsequential, perhaps.. BUT NOT TO THIS AUTHOR!!!.. the joy of signing yer own work and handing it to a reader who actually pays ye real hard cash money (oh, the ecstasy to a Scotsman… real cash money, Mabel)… and better still, to have live, face-to-face conversations with them about yer trip through the book’s genesis is FABULOUS… if I had even sold just ONE copy and had that sort of discussion, my day would have been complete … by the end of the event, my derriere was numb from sitting at the sales table… a small price in exchange for what we quill-scrapers seek most.. SUMB’DY WHO LIKES OUR BOOKS … I don’t even care that Matron’s here with that bluudy syringe… see yeez later ….
Blog Scratchers Corner
Blogs To Follow
… shooting stars often appear in bursts across the night sky, sometimes after prolonged periods of no sightings at all … equally, after no mention for months, certain subjects appear in herds of blog postings … some of the excellent blogs that I see on a daily basis have recently posed one such question … ’is it wise for an author to write in more than one genre?’ (by the way, ye get a prize if ye can pronounce ‘genre’ without sounding like Inspectors Maigret or Clouseau)… being devoid of any common sense of my own, I’ll aver that it IS efficacious, and even HEALTHY for a quill-scraper to indulge in more than one ‘JONRRR’... my crime thrillers have been a delight in terms of Amazon Kindle downloads (thanks Mabel),… but lately, my wee collection of tongue-in-many-cheeks blog posts, THE BLOGGER’S GUIDE TO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, is attracting some *blush-blush* highly positive critique … and as most of ye who follow this site will know, I’m not easily given to hiding my perky wee light under any size of bushel… so, in the best tradition of SOSYAL NETWURKIN, here’s a couple of my favourite reviews… see yeez later…
By Mary Carol Moran -
This review is from: The Blogger’s Guide to Absolutely Nothing (Kindle Edition)Those familiar with Seumas Gallacher’s blog will recognize his voice in this book right away. This is the laid back, always funny, generous, quick-witted Gallacher who keeps us coming back day after day for more outrageous stories.
Buy The Bloggers’ Guide today and give yourself an evening or two of laughing out loud, thinking a little, and feeling good about yourself and the world. There’s also some helpful information if you happen to be a blogger, but anyone will enjoy the warm embrace of this huge-hearted, slightly crazy Scotsman!
5.0 out of 5 stars This Hilarious Blogger Hits Your Funny Bone, March 15, 2013
By Dianne Greenlay “Author of Quintspinner -A Pi… (Saskatchewan, Canada) -
This review is from: The Blogger’s Guide to Absolutely Nothing (Kindle Edition)
Mr. Gallacher’s “Guide” is a collection of his blog posts, expounding on his views about the world of writing. He covers topics from writing rules (splitting an infinitive, anyone?) to conventional wisdom on marketing (just go for it!) to the experience of being in Face Book jail. Each blog is set within the imaginary framework of an insane asylum, his premise being that writers are all a wee bit crazy, and each post ends with Matron’s imminent arrival (I became quite fond of the old gal by the end of the book.)
Self-described as an “old Luddite” and a “crazy Scotsman”, I would add the adjectives of “witty, sarcastic, and a joy to read”, but especially “prolific”. (He aspires to write a minimum of 3 blogs per week, as well as continuing to churn out best-selling novels and successfully marketing the hell out of them. Go Seumas!)
My favorite musings of this clever word smith is the post in which he mirthfully describes acquiring his computer skills (Computer Hell for Dummies.) As one who began my own journey into writing and publishing not knowing how to even cut and paste, I loved this selection.
All in all, this Guide is clever, sassy, and downright enjoyable. Every word of it. Buy it. Read it. Laugh out loud till your cheeks hurt. Oh, and watch out for Matron….