…of Irish Setters and Donald Duck…to raise a smile, a smirk, a guffaw or three perhaps…

…there’s altogether far too much of the Cable Channel Cheerless Charlies pervading our television screens…this calamity, that disaster, another tragedy unfolding, countless gnashing and wailings of teeth and gums…it has become a desperate effort to find something to counteract it all…to raise a smile, a smirk, a guffaw or three perhaps to brighten our lives… I have the antidote right here…Let me state upfront— the following piece came to me this week in the form of an email attachment, so I know not its provenance, but it’s one of the best I’ve received in a long time, kudos to the unknown writer … I will cut and paste it, untampered by my editorial efforts :

“Subject: I’m not welcome at TESCO

Didn’t like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local TESCO’s
store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was
in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog..
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was
starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,

because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 2 stone before I

woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices

and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with
my story.)Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an
Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. I’m now banned from TESCO’s. Better watch what you
ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of
daft things to say.”

BRILLIANT!!!
As a follow on, emboldened by that tale, now my own personal caper last evening…I went to buy a few cupcakes at the local
patisserie, and took with me  a giveaway voucher that provides one free cupcake with the purchased items…easy
enough, that, eh?..not so, Mabel…As I received my change and the extra freebie, the young lady behind the counter pushed
a piece of paper and pen at me, asking for my name and signature…what? author’s autograph hunter? sadly, no… this was
company policy to ensure that the holder of the freebie voucher was legit…(what an untrusting world we’ve created)..
I scribbled down in BOLD LETTERS the name ‘Donald Duck’, and said it out loud in a Donald Duck cartoon squawky voice before handing it back…
Now, I swear to you, the girl had not a smile on her face as she looked at it then said , “Thank you, Mister Duck.”…I squawked back “Thank you, too,”
in my best canard impersonation before waddling towards the exit…They live and breathe amongst us, ladies and gentlemen… be warned…and for
my efforts, here comes Matron with some duck eggs and the syringe…quack, quack, quack…:):):)

16 Comments

Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

16 responses to “…of Irish Setters and Donald Duck…to raise a smile, a smirk, a guffaw or three perhaps…

  1. Quite a cute tale that made me quake and quackle with laughter, worthy of a quaff or, in your special ward, perhaps a Quaalude.

    Like

  2. Great way to start my morning – with a laugh! Thanks for the post – I would have loved to have been at Tesco – but wait! Your name must be getting around as a bad boy – maybe Facebook is getting the word out? Pretty soon there’ll be no place left for you to go – you’d better tread softly! Or are you just on a quest to try out the different jails in the universe?

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  3. Pingback: My brother Seumas Gallacher gives us that which we all need so desperately…a laugh and a smile…:) « Thomas Rydder

  4. lionelsnod

    Now that was indeed an amusing tale. Thank so much for sharing it.

    Paul R. Hewlett

    Like

  5. Thanks, Donald, for this spot of cheer. And, PLEASE,, don’t tell matron that there are others of us roaming unmedicated through life. Although it’s sometimes an internal argument over which is better… dribbling and drooling serenity, or existence on the edges of lucidity… for the moment I’m opting for being able to feed myself. Quack quack! ;-)

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  6. kimcox37

    Sounds like something my dad would do! Can’t wait to share this with him in about 10. Thanks, Seumas! As always, enjoyed it!

    Like

  7. jwmccombs2012

    A great piece Seamus, I’m really glad to link up with you again, it seems so long ago that we knew each other here in Manila. I admire your blogging skills greatly as I am just starting one of my own and am experiencing all the problems of a naive new writer.

    Like

  8. Pingback: …of Irish Setters and Donald Duck…to raise a smile, a smirk, a guffaw or three perhaps… | Seumas Gallacher

  9. Nothing funnier that people with no sense of humour who don’t get the joke! Great one! Needed a good laugh today!

    Like

  10. Quacked me up there Seumas, I love joking with shop assistants. They are so serious.
    Laurie.

    Like

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