How NOT to get promotion for yourself and your book …

Seumas Gallacher:

…great commentary… timeless advice for all quill-scrapers… yeez get NUTHIN if yeez don;t first GIVE, and continue to give…:)

Originally posted on Books: Publishing, Reading, Writing:

So, you’ve written and published a book. Congratulations! Good for you!

And welcome to the club … I have some sobering news, though. You are not the first, nor will you be the last, to write and publish a book – TODAY! So far this year, 2,396,061 books have been published, worldwide. How do you expect its possible for any one book to compete with numbers like that when searching for interested readers, not to mention buyers with money to spend? And how can any one author ever suppose their newly published book is better or more important than those other 2 million+ books, so much better that one author can expect readers, bloggers and reviewers to fall all over themselves in an attempt to help promote and publicize said book?

Many of these delusional, self-centred authors do exist, unfortunately … so many, in fact, that I feel the…

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Filed under Uncategorized Memoriam, Miss Kerr… Born 18 ? ?— Died 1962…

..a wee change of pace from my usual content, and I’ll ask yeez to bear with it, and read it through to the end… when Master Gallacher was all of fourteen years old, most of the non-school hours were spent playing football with my pals on the spare ground close to our home in Glasgow… an open piece of grass on which our pitched jackets served as goalposts, was bounded by tenement buildings… overlooking the area, one of these  buildings was tenanted exclusively by older folks… single, either spinsters or widowed individuals, well beyond even the age that I’m now skirting with… one day I heard a call from a third floor small balcony… a petite, white-haired lady beckoned me to come up… I did so, and met for the first time Ms Kerr… she needed some help and asked if I would be kind enuff to carry her wee terrier dog with her and go on the bus a few stops down the estate to the veterinary surgeon’s office…


…the dog was obviously quite sick… it’s name was Vikki… we wrapped Vikki in an old piece of blanket to keep it warm, and off we went… she talked non-stop with the animal, assuring it that the doctor would make it well again soon… I carried Vikki into the Vet. who was as caring a gentleman as I’ve ever seen… he acknowledged how much the dog meant to Ms Kerr… in as caring a way as humanly possible he tried to explain that her dog was dying, and didn’t have much longer to live… he asked if she would like him to ‘look after it’ in a humane way… Ms Kerr was having none of that… she was firm in that way that old people can be… stubborn, resolved, determined… we brought Vikki back to the one-room apartment in the care building… a few days later while I was playing football again, she reappeared on her balcony and summoned me… this time she wanted me to go for some medicine for her pet… I looked at the dog, which she had wrapped in the same blanket, and tucked into her bed… she had been sleeping beside it… the smell was strong… Vikki was already dead… I tried to tell her that the dog wasn’t gonna make it, but she refused to accept that and said, ‘look, her ears are moving… we just need some medicine for her’… I left and sought out the caretaker, who also came and saw the dog had died… she still wouldn’t listen… we called the R.S.P.C.A. shelter and they arrived about half an hour later…the officer was excellent with Ms Kerr… he appeased her by saying that Vikki was very sick, and he would take her to the hospital to get her well… at the same time, the sanitation people arrived to fumigate the place while we took Ms Kerr to lunch… of course, Vikki was never coming back… Ms Kerr had lost the most important companion in her life… I didn’t hear anything for a week and went back to see how she was doing… my knocking on the door was unanswered, and I sought out the caretaker once more… he shook his head and told me, ‘very sad… Ms Kerr passed away two days ago’


…why am I telling yeez this so long after this event, more than fifty years back?… at any time of year, but particularly at this Season, may I suggest if there are any older people living alone near yeez, p’raps make an excuse to go and just say hello… for Ms Kerr, and for me… it may save a life.. and one day, it may be yer own…see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

…I think… therefore I think, I think…

…in some of my more lucid passages, (not many of them, admittedly, Mabel), the wee grey cells wander off into little private cerebral pockets, capable of producing some oblique lines of thought… fr’instance, think of the WURD, ‘melancholy’… a coupla definitions for it are— ‘sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom’, and—‘pensive reflection or contemplation’


…I s’pose it’s kinda tricky separating these elements, but my experience tells me that all of them contribute toward the ‘mood’ of ‘melancholy’… and it can be a most powerful emotion… for yeez quill-scrapers, much of the better writing yeez do, in my not-so-‘umble opinion, comes out of the sense of emotion yeez impart in yer scribbling… my own delving into the dark arts of authorship spin around the crime thriller JONGGR… not much room for emotion there, yeez may say… I plead to differ… sum’where along the way, a few instances of raw feelings managed to creep into my books (even my tough-guy characters often tend to go off and do their own thing, including having emotions, despite my  determination that they shouldn’t have them ..sheeesh!)… so, back to ‘melancholy’… in ‘melancholy’, which I hasten to say, I don’t indulge regularly, there can be a freedom of thinking… an avenue to explore that leads my mind at least, to think tangentially away from the  standard… fr’example, people frequently drop the trite phrase ’think outside of the box’, my reaction is ‘finish thinking inside the box first’… and in the artsy arena, I claim to have eyes that can follow a picture no matter where I am in a room… and I produce writing that abstract painters read and say ‘what on earth is this supposed to be?’

more egg


…yeez get my drift?… my wee nudge intent here for yeez Lads and Lassies of Blog Land, if ever yeez find yerselves in that ‘pensive reflection or contemplation’ state, enjoy it… yes, enjoy it… and here’s another thing about it… ‘melancholy’ is a non-group sport… it’s yer own… enjoy!…see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

…from all we Authors… to readers, new and established… can’t live without you… thank yeez dearly…


Authorship…I guess it’s one of the few businesses where it’s really difficult, if not well nigh impossible to claim that ye’re ‘self-made’… moguls in other industries may rejoice in that label… captains of commerce, and others through the ages, have come forth to demonstrate the strength of character to build themselves into that designation, ‘self-made’… but for we quill-scrapers, let’s ‘fess up… no matter how exalted yer opinion of yer own WURK… regardless of the beauty of yer expression… the finesse in WURD-smithing yeez may possess… none of it amounts to a hill of beans unless sumb’dy else likes yer production… I wrote on here a while ago, that the beauty of a writer’s WURK is in the eye of his/her readership… whether yer sales accrue in onesies and twosies… or come tumbling in by the thousands… if yer wee masterpieces grace the New York Times Bestseller Lists… and if that lofty almost airless atmosphere of the Nobel Literature Awards sniffs yer book… precious little of it is down to yerself as the scribbler… written WURK requires readers… humility is a wondrous menu item… but taken in modest enuff doses, the taste of that elusive deceiver, ‘success’, can be reached… and should that pinnacle ever be attained, and yeez are asked, a la Oscar Awards, to stand up and thank yer this, and thank yer that… in all honesty yer thanks list would have to be in the thousands of names… of names of each and every person who deigned to pick up yer wee babies and peruse them… of emb’dy who felt inclined and gracious enuff to pen a review for yeez on places like the Great God Amazon’s pages… of Agents and Publishers (whatever they might be in real life!) who trusted yer stuff and helped to get it into more pairs of hands and seen by more pairs of eyes than yeez could ever have achieved going solo… Master Nilsson sums it up neatly for me, and yeez can enjoy him by clicking below:  

…from all we Authors… readers, new and established…  can’t live without you… thank yeez dearly… 



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

…no, this is NOT a religious discussion… please read it carefully…

…from the start of my dabbling in the WURLD of blogging, this ol’ Jurassic determined not to indulge in the ‘hot button’ topics in its content… that includes religion… now, yeez may think the following is about religion, but please read it carefully and yeez’ll see that it’s not... it’s about people… it’s about behaviour, it’s about respect for yer fellow human beings…and most of all it’s about yer own personal beliefs and dignity… yesterday’s horrific events in Sydney represented the latest in a series of similar abominations across the planet in recent years… it’s also understandable that the usual vitriolic anti-Islamic tirades come teeming out of quarters that really don’t understand that these events have NUTHIN to do with the religion of Islam… I’m not Muslim, but I’ve lived for the last 10 years in the Middle East, and know from tons of conversations and interaction with Arabic friends, that they abhor this behaviour as much as any other sane human being… that some madmen dress up their actions in any religious garb, let alone that of Islam, is too easy a label for the 24/7 Cable News channels to peddle their drama… these madmen are criminals… pure and simple… when the IRA and  their Protestant terrorist counterparties were practising their brand of atrocities in Northern Ireland and parts of Mainland Britain in past decades, very few people or newspaper headlines blamed the Catholic or Protestant Churches …the criminals involved in these incidents were seldom described as ‘Catholic terrorists’ or ‘Protestant terrorists’… that any person wishes to subscribe to a specific religion is entirely their prerogative, and I have no issue with that, in much the same way as I’m entitled to my own personal religious beliefs (of which specifically I have none… I simply consider myself a ‘believer’… a spiritually-centred person, not religion-driven)… my spiritual beliefs do not compel me to feel that murder, terrorism, and mayhem is needed for me to indulge that… and, consider this for a minute, don’t yeez think that the vast, yes, VAST majority of people on this planet share that peaceful way of thinking?


…may yer own God(s) be with yeez, should yeez choose to have them… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

…Great Authors’ openers that grab yeez by the throat and pull yeez into their novels…

…this ol’ Jurassic has many, many favourite novels from my early reading days… a time when as a twenty-sum’thing young man I was beginning to enjoy the glimpses into WURLDS created in the minds of scribbling geniuses’ of the thirties, forties, fifties and sixties… recently I’ve featured the names of some of those, and another wee elaboration here seems in order… particularly the strength of the ‘openers’ employed… the inaudible, but uber-persuasive ‘hooks’ that leaves yeez no choice as a reader but to plunge right in and immerse yerselves in their WURKSJohn O’Hara’s first novel, Appointment in Samarra has a prologue lifted from a version of an old Arab tale recounted in W. Somerset Maughm’s 1932 play, Sheppey:



There was a merchant in Baghdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, Master, just now when I was in the market-place I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me. She looked at me and made a threatening gesture; now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me. The merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went. Then the merchant went down to the market-place and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said, Why did you make a threatening gesture to my servant when you saw him this morning? That was not a threatening gesture, I said, it was only a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Baghdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra.’

…gripping stuff, innit?…

honey badger

…jump to another, often less-trumpeted authorial giant, Robert Ruark, whose last novel, The Honey Badger, published after his death in the mid-sixties, opens with this cracker of a prologue:

‘There is a bloody brave little animal in Africa called the Honey Badger. It may be the meanest animal in the world. It kills for malice and for sport, and it does not go for the jugular – it goes straight for the groin. It has a lot in common with the modern American woman.’

LUV ‘EM both… see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff

…he’ll never amount to anything, that Shakespeare bloke…


…so, tell me Mr Shakespeare, my trillions of fanzine readers will be entranced to know just how much time yeez spend on the SOSYAL NETWURKS about yer plays and stuff?… what? yeez’ve never heard of Twitter? Facebook? Blogging? Tumblr? Google+?… how on earth have yeez managed to get such broad readership then?… quality of writing, yeez say?… hmmm… don’t know about that, William… let me ask yeez then about yer particular JONGGR?… what? yeez don’t confine yerself to one JONGGR?… how can that be successful? quality of writing, yeez say? …again… okay, well what about an Agent?… and an International Publishing deal?… none?…yeez’ve never heard of Penguin? Random House?… no that’s not the title of a play, Sir… it’s people who help yeez to sell yer WURK… not the way it’s done in Olde Englande?… well, where do yeez go for yer Writing Critique Circles?… yer Missus does that?… fair enuff… she seems to be doing a decent job of it already… say ‘Hi!‘ to Ms Hathaway for me, won’t yeez?… so all this kerfuffle about ‘being present on the Internet’… yes, Mister Shakespeare, the Internet… it’s a kinda international electronically-driven communication system… electricity? yeez haven’t heard of that?… my goodness… how do yeez ever sell yer stuff at all, at all, man… New York Times Bestseller lists?… what?… it’s a newspaper in America…..America, Sir… a big continent across the Atlantic Ocean from here… Pulitzer Prize Lists? Nobel Literature Awards?… Nada? Nowt? NUTHIN?… <PICTURE FADES>


…yes, boss, I met the guy… complete nutcase… living in a different WURLD… I don’t care how good an Editor yeez are, man, yeez’ll never be able to tell this lad’s story… he expects to be a multi-million copy seller!… and he hasn’t a clue how any of this gig WURKS… yes boss… Who? … John Steinbeck?… he’s agreed to meet me at… okay, I’m on my way… at least he should be a bit more clued up…


…see yeez later… LUV YEEZ!…



Filed under Blether, Scribbling & Stuff